On the Outside Looking In
by Nixy Angel
Summary: Cody finds an unlikely friendship with outcasts from school, but when a tragedy shakes the student body his world begins to crumble. And it'll take more than forgiveness to wash the pain away. CoWrite with Sillvermedal. COMPLETED
1. One the outside looking in

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, or the song. Though it would rock to be famous and singing it. I do own the story line though, its practically an auto biography

* * *

_You don't know my name_

_You don't know, anything about me_

_I try to play nice_

_I want to be in your game _

_The things that you say_

_You may think I never hear about them_

_But word travels fast_

_I'm standing here behind your back _

_You don't know how it feels _

_To be outside the crowd_

My heart dropped while everyone else cheered. We would have to pick our own history project partners. There was an odd amount of people in the class, and I knew very well who the one without a partner would be. The teenagers scrambled around the room excitedly chattering with their friends. I stood and sort of wandered around the room, looking for someone who would just talk to me…maybe even agree to be my partner. I spotted a familiar face and walked over.

"Hey Bob, want to be partners?"

"Um, right. Yeah well, I'm partners with Zack, sorry." I saw him walk off to where Zack was standing with several girls around him. "Hey Zack, want to be my partner? If you don't I'll end up with Cody. God, I hate being partners with him. He makes everything so confusing and makes me feel really stupid."

I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. Did he not see me standing right over here? He could have at least made it to where I couldn't hear that, whether he felt it or not. I sighed and approached a girl I knew. "Hey Sara, want to be partners?"

"Um, I'm sorry, do I know you? What's your name?"

"Cody Martin."

"Ohhhh so you're the nerdy brother Zack is always complaining about. Um, sorry but I'm partners with Tami." I could sense a kind of disgust in her voice as she said that, then turned. I finally gave up and went back to my desk to plan my project alone. There was no way anyone would ask me to partner with them, even if I was the smartest kid in the class. They would all rather fail then be forced down the social ladder by being associated with me in any way. And even the ones that didn't care about the social ladder were already too wrapped up in their own lives and friends to open up to new ones.

You don't know my name You don't know, anything about me I try to play nice I want to be in your game The things that you say You may think I never hear about them But word travels fast I'm standing here behind your back Mr. Beacher called for everyone to settle down and announce their partners. He sped through the names in alphabetic order, asking for the person and their partner. "Bob?"

"Me and Jordan."

"Daniel?"

"Me and Jacob"

"Sara?"

"Me and Zack."

He went through a couple other names before getting somewhere in the Ls. By now, all the partners were taken…except for me of course.

"Mr. Martin, I see that you are once again working alone?"

"Yeah," I said softly. I turned in my desk to see Cheryl whispering to one of her friends. I heard more then one voice say something like "He always works alone. He's such a looser." Or, "He's such a know-it-all…I'm not surprised he's alone again." I shut my eyes tight and swallowed the huge lump forming in my throat and trying to push itself to the surface. Crying was the last thing I needed just now. It just wasn't fair. 

_You don't know how it feels_

_To be outside the crowd_

_You don't know what its like_

_To be left out_

_And you don't know how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in_

The bell rang loudly and I slowly bent over to pick up my books. I started to walk out the door, but was pushed down roughly by a huge red headed kid. My 3-ringed binder's papers flew everywhere, and my books lay scattered on the ground. I started to gather them together when a girl stepped on my hand with a pointed high-heeled shoe. I reeled back in pain, shaking my sore hand. Neither the red head boy, nor high-heeled girl stopped to say they were sorry. No one attempted to help me up, or even acknowledge the sorry heap I was on the ground. I crawled out of everyone's way and let them all get out of the room before I began to gather my books once again. The last one out of the room was Zack, pushing a few people to go ahead without him. He stopped where I was putting papers back neatly in my binder and whispered harshly

"Dude, what the heck are you doing on the ground? Get up, you're embarrassing me." He walked off without offering any type of help muttering to himself, "God, why did he have to be my brother?"

_If you could read my mind_

_You might see more of me then meets the eye_

_And you've been all wrong_

_Not who you think I am_

_You've never given me a chance_

After finally brushing myself off, I headed too my locker to put away my books and get my lunch money. I kept my eyes downcast as I walked down the hallways. When I reached my locker, I breathed out in gratitude. I hadn't met a single bully on the walk here. Now all I had to do was make it to and through lunch.

I stood at the back of the lunch line, after automatically letting several bullies pass me. It took forever to reach the food, and when I did there was no desserts left. I sighed and took my tray towards the tables. Hundreds of kids sat clumped together, talking loudly and laughing. I passed the table where Zack sat. He had a girl on each side of him, and many people around them. Everyone was laughing at Zack, who must have been telling some amazingly funny joke. He had never told me anything that funny. I spotted an empty chair and headed for it, so as to join in the laughter. That's when I heard my name.

"You should have seen his Cody's face! Wait no; I can show it to you! That's the upside of him being my twin!" Zack made a hideous face, wrinkling his nose in fake fear. "He was all like, 'Where's Blankie! I need Blankie!" Everyone laughed, and I backed away.

I passed a few full tables, and one of Goth kids. Even the nerd table looked at my strangely. I didn't fit in there either. I didn't fit in anywhere.

_You don't know how it feels_

_To be outside the crowd_

_You don't know what its like_

_To be left out_

_And you don't know how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in_

The rest of the day passed like that. The most attention I would get from anyone would be someone asking me to get out of their way. I was always in the way. On the bus ride home, I sat on the only empty seat I could find, near the front. When the bus stopped at the Tipton hotel, I rushed off the bus, glad to not have had to deal with bullies this time. I walked briskly through the lobby, ignoring Maddie's friendly greeting. Even a little bit of friendliness couldn't make up for what I went through everyday. I could hear Zack behind me, his headphones blaring loudly. Frustrated, I stopped allowing him to catch up with me. I jerked the headphones off his ears and screamed in his face.

"Don't listen to them that loud! It damages your ears!" Then I stormed off, before he could reply. When I got inside the suite, I slammed the door of our room and slung myself on the bed. Not bothering to do my homework, I closed my eyes, shutting the tears that wanted to come out of my face so badly inside. And it hurt. It hurt so badly. I shuddered to myself, trying to push out all the horrible thoughts, but they kept stinging at me.

_"He's such a looser!"_

_"God why did he have to be my brother?"_

_"He's such a know-it-all."_

_"I hate being partners with him"_

I could hear Zack run in the door and quickly change his clothes. Then he left. Of course he had another date. It was Friday night, and he had a life. He had tons of friends, a different girlfriend every weekend, and no regards for my feelings.

_Well I'm tired of staying at home _

_I'm bored and all alone_

_Well I'm sick of wasting all my time_

_You don't know how it feels_

_To be outside the crowd_

_You don't know what its like_

_To be left out_

_And you don't know how it feels _

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in_

As the door shut behind him, I finally let it go. I let the tears that I had cooped up for weeks fall out of my face. I started breathing hard, and they fell more.

_You don't know how it feels_

_To be outside the crowd_

_You don't know what its like_

_To be left out_

_And you don't know how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in_

I sat there for more then an hour, just crying. I cried until all the tears inside my body were used up. Then I sat alone on the bed hiccupping like you do after a really good cry. I got up off the bed and grabbed a pen and paper. Then I wrote. I wrote every feeling that I had had since the beginning of the day, and turned it into a song.

_You don't know my name_

_You don't know, anything about me_

_I try to play nice_

_I want to be in your game _

_The things that you say_

_You may think I never hear about them_

_But word travels fast_

_I'm standing here behind your back _

_You don't know how it feels _

_To be outside the crowd_

_You don't know what its like_

_To be left out_

_And you don't know how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

On the outside looking in

_If you could read my mind_

_You might see more of me then meets the eye_

_And you've been all wrong_

_Not who you think I am_

_You've never given me a chance_

_You don't know how it feels _

_To be outside the crowd_

_You don't know what its like_

_To be left out_

_And you don't know how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in_

_Well I'm tired of staying at home_

_I'm bored and all alone_

_Well I'm sick of wasting all my time_

_You don't know how it feels_

_To be outside the crowd_

_You don't know what its like_

_To be left out_

_And you don't know how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in_

_You don't know how it feels _

_To be outside the crowd_

_You don't know what its like_

_To be left out_

_And you don't know how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in_


	2. Invisible?

**READ AUTHOR'S NOTE! VERY IMPORTANT!**

**does drum roll **

**Welllllllllll...after carefull consideration... and studying all the wonderful reviews that people left me...I decided that I DID want to continue this story. Actually I decided that after the first few reviews, but never really decided what I wanted to continue it with. I thought, and messaged my best reviewers, and began several other stories...some even in hopes of incorpuration this into.**

**My biggest conflict...originality. I know you are all famililiar with the ever-so-usual Zack and Cody angst. Zack or Cody becomes deppressed after not getting enough attention in school, so the result to drugs or cutting. Then, they either find a girl that makes it all better, or end up almost killing themselves, or in a few actually killing themselves. Now don't get me wrong...I do love those stories...me being such an angst fan...but its too common. **

**So I decided to find a way to make the story less cliché , and more original. And I knew I couldn't do it myself, so I pmed Sillvermedal...requesting help...since she is one of my most trusted reviewers, and one of the most talented ff writers I know of. **

**Our sollution...what you about to read...with a twist. She will be co-writing the story. Please, do not give me all the credit for writing this story...as it will not all be me. You can pm her telling her what a wonderfull author she is...or whatever. (It can be very frustrating to be writing half of a story, and hardly getting any credit. Yes...this has happened to me before) And yes...this chapter was written by me, but she will be writing the next. Then I'll write chapter 4, and she'll do 5...and so on.**

**I really hope that you enjoy the story! Thanks to all the previous reviewers...I appreciate the nice ones so much!They are what encouraged me continue...and now with our great plot I am glad that I did!**

**Without further ado...I present the story! Chapter two! YAY! lol**

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

You would think I would have cried all the tears I could. But in school the next Monday, I found myself walking down the crowded hallways, face down, with a huge rock forming in the bottom of my throat. I forced it down, trying to deny the shadows of self-pity whirling over my whole being. I didn't need self-pity; it only caused more misery. Misery was the last thing I needed right now.

The floors of the school were dirty. I bet no one else has noticed that.

My fists were thrust into the pockets of my old pair of jeans. I fingered the cloth inside, scraping the lint into the cracks of my nails. I took another, and flicked it off the end of my finger. It floated to the ground, and I stopped to watch several people's shoes squash it heartlessly. That was I. Invisible.

The I. There was no I in my name. There was an I in invisible. I. I for invisible. That was I. Maybe that was it. I was invisible. I being me. Utterly invisible. Nothing. No one noticed me because I really wasn't here. Maybe there was some way to restore my visibility.

I waved my own hand in front of my face. It was still there. Did no one else notice? I waved it again, with more force, and then turned my palm away, like I was waving at a friend. Ha. The friend I didn't have. My palm turned and waggled helplessly in the air at the mercy of my arm. By now I had reached my locker, and was standing in front of it, waving my hand relentlessly like a freak. My fingers flopped around…I could feel the blood in them jerking back and forth.

I probably looked like a freak.

I was a freak.

But I didn't care. Forget the tears. There's nothing wrong with being a freak. I don't need to have self-pity.

It was hard sometimes.

I glanced a look at myself in the mirror standing near the locker, baring a sign above it scrawled with _How do you reflect Boston High? _

Ha. Some representative I was. I was short. Skinny. Ok, I had nice hair. It was Zack's hair though. The girls liked it on Zack. And I was standing next to the locker, waving a hand ferociously, as if I were some mentally retarded person. That wasn't the self-image I wanted.

But it didn't matter…I was invisible.

I had no self-image to destroy.

"What the heck are you doing?"

I instantly slapped my hand down by my side, and jerked my head in the direction of the voice. My eyes met with the deep black eyes of a tall girl. She had long silky black hair down to her waist, and was dressed in a strange fashion.

"You're talking to me?" I finally managed. It certainly felt strange. Answering a question, or even talking _back _to someone.

"No, there's another freak waving their hand wildly around, like some type of mental."

"Oh. Ok" I turned to my locker and began to twist the lock, cautiously looking in her direction. I got it; she was just insulting me.

"Hey, aren't you Zack Martin?"

"NO!" I said quickly, turning to face her with fiery eyes. "I'm his twin brother. _Cody _Martin."

"He has a twin?"

God, these people are so ignorant.

"Do I seriously look, or act like Zack?"

"Well, no…I guess."

Why was she bothering me?

"So what are you doing talking to me?"

"There's no one else to talk to. Griffin is at the dentist. He should be back soon though." Her voice didn't sound quite as kind as the words that she spilled out.

"Who?" I asked, slamming the door to my locker hard.

"My brother Griffin. Look, if you don't want to talk, I'm completely a-ok with going away."

"Oh." It still felt weird…actually talking to someone. At school. Having a conversation longer then a few seconds long. With someone I had never met. I decided to take advantage of it, as the tall girl began to walk in the other direction from my class.

"Hey…wait up!" I flew over to where she was walking, and tapped her on her shoulder. "What's your name?"

"Carly," she said curtly. "Like you should care."

I knew how to make friends…if they would actually talk to you. I had plenty in middle school."

"So, when is your brother getting back?"

"Should be back any sec."

"I followed her to her classroom, studying her as we walked. Carly was dressed in a short blue skirt, with red and black checkered leggings. Her shirt was a long green t-shirt, tied at the side in a knot. Various necklaces were draped down her neck, both gold and silver. Her outfit clashed so bad…it almost matched.

She's not quite my type for dating…I decided after careful analysis. But that didn't mean we couldn't be friends.

My thoughts were interrupted by Carly suddenly stopping near the office, as the tardy bell was ringing. I didn't care if I was late though.

"Griffin!" she shouted suddenly, pointing her hand towards a boy emerging out of the office with a yellow slit of paper in his hands…

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**SO...what did you think? I really hope that you like it...and I think that you will all enjoy it as it moves along. It will get a little more light-hearted, but for you angst lovers...don't worry. The angst will come back in later chapters!**

**So now you've read the story, and dealt with my anoying author's notes ( ;) )**

**I have one little request of you...if you please. Please review on this story...it will mean the world to me! lol.**

**Next chapter will be written by Sillvermedal...and it is coming soon!**

**Nicole :)**


	3. Griffin

**A/N: Hey, all! SillverMedal here. I was asked to co-write this with Nixy Angel and I said yes, bringing you this new story that hopefully you'll enjoy. Now, about reviews: If you want to talk to me personally just send me a PM, but if you just want to let us know how you feel about the story thus far just leave us a review. I'll read both eventually. Enjoy!**

I guess I was preoccupied with the fact that somebody had actually bothered to _notice_ me (something I was beginning to think was physically impossible) because it hardly dawned on me that I was going to be introduced to this girl's friend (or was it brother? Cousin?). I cleared my throat and stood up straighter. I may be social lunch meat, but I still have some dignity left.

Carly, as the last few moments had so discreetly informed me, was different. Quirky, unique, definitely someone I hadn't noticed before, she stood out in a way that was as unnoticeable as, well, as me.

My first impression of Griffin, however, was completely different. For one thing, he looked absolutely nothing like his sister (sister, right?). Dark brown hair, thick and unkempt ran long onto his face, covering up the narrow glasses that gave his mousy face an owl-like dimension. He wore dark jeans and a black t-shirt that read _Beatles_ in bold face. His ears were pierced and he wore a studded belt and matching wrist band.

I'm not one to judge. Really. I'm not. Look at my position on this so called social ladder; I'm nonexistent. A flea on the back of the rest of the student body. A harmless, meaningless, insect.

But man, this guy looked _weird_.

There had been a time once when I would have frowned upon him and passed him off for no more than-

-Than what? A fellow insect?

Carly leaned against a locker and I awkwardly stayed by her side as he walked over, wearing a smirk and burying his hands deep in his pockets.

"Sup, sis?" he asked her as he came up beside Carly, pushing his long bangs out of his eyes and yawning.

Carly rolled her eyes and popped her gum. "How many cavities?" she asked her brother curtly. I shuffled my feet and pretended not to exist.

Griffin clicked his tongue and flashed her a grin. "Zippo," he said playfully, turning the combination of one of the lockers.

Carly stood in silence for a few moments before apparently remembering me. "Oh," she said, lacking enthusiasm. "This is Cody. Zack Martin's twin brother." I fought back a grimace; I was a heck of a lot more than just Zack's twin, thankyouverymuch.

Griffin swung open his locker and grabbed a book, nodding once in my direction. "Hey," he said. "What's up, man?"

I shrugged. More questions. "Just…Um…" I searched for alternative ways to say _just being the class freak, actually, trying not to get my ass kicked, mainly_ but failed miserably and instead just winded up looking stupid. But hey, it's all good, that was apparently my God-given talent. Might as well use it.

"He was waving at himself," Carly stated bluntly, not bothering to look back at me. "Caught my attention-,"

"-Gee, wonder why," Griffin snickered.

"-So I said hello," Carly finished.

Griffin finished emptying his locker (slipping something quickly into his pocket) and slammed the door, shrugging on his backpack. "You coming with us?"

I stared at him, mouth hanging open slightly. It had been a long, long time since my last invite to-well, to _anywhere_. I cleared my throat before answered. "Where are you going?" I may be an outcast, but I like to know my facts.

Carly turned to me and turned her head, flipping her long hair as though it were a nuisance. "Sully's," she said briskly but not unkindly.

I had no idea what that was.

Griffin read my expression and broke out into a grin. "It's a music café downtown. We're just gonna get, like, a snack or something. This guy I know's got a band and they're performing in a half hour."

They both looked at me expectantly, and I fiddled with my earlobe, trying to keep my cool. Think, Cody, what would Zack d-

-No. No _way_ was I going to take unsaid advice from my so called "brother". I was a good person by myself. I didn't need him to make new friends. I didn't.

"Yeah," I heard myself say. "Okay. If you don't mind, or whatever…?" I hated how my sentence came out as more of a question, like I needed approval. I didn't.

"Nah, it'll be fun," said Griffin, starting to walk down the hall. He can't have been all that popular if I didn't know who he was prior to the last five minutes and yet he walked with a sort of confidence and dignity I envied.

Carly matched his stride and I hurried along in their wake. "Mom drop you off?" she asked him as we headed towards the doors.

He nodded and ran a thin hand through his hair. "Yep," he said.

"Okay. Then we're taking my car."

I looked at her in a bit of surprise. I wouldn't turn sixteen until January (a month away) and I hadn't even thought about cars. Zack undoubtedly had and if we did get one we'd most likely share it. Being a twin I'd grown up sharing, but somehow I didn't think Zack'd be too keen to drop me off at the library on the way to a date.

We left the building (school having been over for twenty minutes or so) and walked around to the back parking lot. Carly led the way over to a small, used, black Saturn that creaked when she unlocked and opening the driver's door.

I scooted into the backseat and considered calling mom to let her know I was going somewhere, but I knew she'd disapprove of getting into a near stranger's car so I didn't. Against my better judgment, sure, but Zack got away with it all the time.

When we'd backed out onto the main road, Griffin reached over and turned on the radio so that some anonymous rock band blared out. I resisted the temptation to cover my ears and Carly scowled.

"Turn that off!" she shouted above the noise, waving a hand in the direction of the speakers. Griffin relented grudgingly, merely turning it down. Carly narrowly missed running a red light and slammed on the breaks so that I lurched forward.

Griffin swore good-naturedly and turned back in his seat to face me. "So," he said casually, nodding slowly. "What grade are you in?"

"I'm a sophomore," I said.

"Hey, yeah, me, too," he answered, sounding pleased. I almost asked about Carly but he told me ahead of time. "She is, too."

I couldn't stop myself from blurting out, "are you twins?" and almost blushed with embarrassment.

Griffin shook his head, switching the stations deftly. "Nah," he said. "My parents adopted her when we were both five. Hence the reason I'm so much better looking," he flashed a charming grin and Carly reached over to shove him.

"He spends his time being a complete idiot," she told me sarcastically through the rearview mirror. "Ignore him and he'll usually go away."

I grinned and slowly she pulled into a parking lot, nabbing a great spot and hopping out of the car. I followed suit and so did Griffin (albeit slowly). Sully's was a small place; like an Indie-version of Starbucks. Dark inside but with a stage lit up by red lights. Griffin grabbed a table near the front and flagged over a waiter.

Once I'd ordered water and they'd both gotten coffee Griffin stood up. "Be right back," he said, excusing himself as he inched out of the booth. He grabbed something out of his pocket and nodded towards the back entrance. "Gonna go for a smoke," he said before meandering away.

I didn't say a whole lot to Carly and she didn't say much to me. She seemed to be completely immersed in a novel she'd pulled out and I pretended to be fascinated with the desert menu, which featured Zack's favorite (chocolate cake), but not mine.

Typical.

Griffin returned a few minutes later and I tried to dispel the thoughts in my head discouraging smoking. It was his business, wasn't it? Was I really going to blow this chance of possibly having friends? Heck no.

"Hey!" Griffin shouted suddenly, raising his hand in the hair as the door to Sully's opened and a guy carrying a guitar case walked in. "Ben!"

The new guy hurried over, setting the instrument down by the stage and leaning over the table. "Hey, Griffin," he said as they pulled into a quick hug. He winked at Carly who rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless. This "Ben" had long, messy hair that wasn't all that different from Griffin's except that it was a light brown, honey sort of a color. He sent off immediate _cool_ vibes that intimidated me.

"Who's the new kid?" Ben asked generically, staring at me.

"Meet Cody," said Griffin smoothly. "Cody, meet Ben Giadillio, tonight's entertainment." Ben nodded at him in greeting.

"You related to Zack?" he asked, sounding resentful.

"He's my brother," I answered sheepishly, humiliated again. Maybe that was how Zack felt whenever he was questioned about me—embarrassed to share DNA.

After a few minutes of small talk other guys started filing onto the stage and Ben left to go set up with them. Griffin turned back towards me wearing a mischievous sort of smirk. "You know…" he drawled out slowly, leaning back in the booth and folding his arms over his chest. "I think Carly's got a little crush on Ben…"

"I do not!" Carly squealed, turning to him in an embarrassed horror. I grinned and tried not to laugh. She looked at him, aghast, then proceeded to punching his shoulder and making an affronted noise.

"What?" Griffin asked innocently, laughing and holding up his hands in surrender. "Just telling it like it is, sis…"

I watched them squabble and a part of me lifted. Maybe this was my chance. Maybe I'd found friends for the first time in what seemed like forever. Maybe this Friday wouldn't be spent in my room, crying, angry at my brother.

Maybe.

"What d'you think, Cody?" Griffin asked playfully as Carly grinned despite her angry actions. "You think they'd be a cute couple?" I laughed. "_I_ think so," he said.

The music started up, drowning out Carly's reply, and hiding the sound of the rain that had begun to fall outside.


	4. Rainfall

Hello everyone :) Nixy Angel again Sorry about how long it has taken to update, I've been having trouble about what to write in this chapter, but silver helped me through it. I hope everyone loves the chapter! Thanks so much to people who reviewed for the story before!

* * *

I pressed my soaked hands against the slick glass revolving door of the hotel, and pushed my way in hurriedly. Once inside the luxurious room, I stood and waited for Griffin and Carly.

They tramped in together, tracking mud behind them onto the clean carpets. I scanned the lobby for Moseby…he would be horrified.

I was a sight I'm sure…having been splattered with mud from a passing car on the way into the Tipton. No doubt they were.

Griffin's dark brown hair was pasted around his face, and glistening with rain. His clothes were splattered with mud, and his shoes covered in it. Not too bad…what was really funny was Carly. Her long straight black hair had scrunched into messy wet curls, the part lost in a sea of black locks slicked back with rain. Dark streaks ran down her cheeks from her black mascara; she had been wearing too much anyway. Mud was caked around her leggings, and splattered around her t-shirt. Its knot had come untied, and it hung close to her knees.

I tried to stiffen the laugh forming in my throat, but it exploded into an embarrassing snort. I instantly thrust my hands onto my face, but my body was still shaking from laughter.

Carly reached a hand out and smacked me on the arm (and it really hurt!), but I could tell by the lift in the side of her mouth she was trying to hide that she wanted to laugh herself.

Griffin was laughing openly, his eyes twinkling with delight and amusement. Carly turned to him, and punched him hard in the arm.

"It's not funny! These things are ruined now!" She pointed to her strangely patterned leggings, her mouth fixed into an angry pout.

I had forgotten how much fun it was to have friends

But then…I had only known these people a few hours. But it didn't matter what kind of people they were. They _noticed_ me…I wasn't going to go and make any judgments that may cause me to loose the first friends I've had since the beginning of high school. Just because they were a little weird…

"Man, nice place here" Griffin whistled, attempting to run his fingers through the part of his hair. His hand got stuck in a clump of wet tangles, and he removed his fingers, shaking his dark mop out like a dog as he did.

"You actually live here?" Carly inquired, eyeing the hotel's extravagant interior with her wide black eyes.

"Yeah" I replied…not quite sure what else to say. I didn't want to sound braggy, so I tried to change the subject about my luxurious life. Still a bit dazed, I started towards the elevator. "Come to my suite to dry off" I invited, trying to sound polite and thoughtfully. Which I was…partially. Another part of me wanted to sort off show off too my family that I had been out…. with _friends (_sort of Especially Zack…who had constantly bugged me about embarrassing him by acting like a reject.

As we passed the candy counter, Maddie (who was starting college at Yale a year late, and working extra hours for college tuition money) called out to me.

"Cody! Your mom is-what happened to you?"

"Car splatted us" Griffin answered for me; illustrating by smacking his hands together.

"Cody…who is he? And her?" She pointed at Carly, who had joined us next to the counter.

"Um…Blondie I got a mouth. I can talk." Carly raised an eyebrow. I was amazed at her pride, despite her hilarious appearance.

"Oh, sorry." Maddie squinted an eye; I could tell she didn't really like the appearance of my new friends too much. "What's your name?" she pronounced slowly, in a sort of mocking tone. I shot a warning stare at her, trying to communicate not to say anything rude to offend my…friends.

Carly just rolled her eyes, and looked at me. "So are we going to your suite, or are we going to stay here chatting with Blondie?"

"Cody…your mom is freaking _out. _She has practically murdered Zack with questions about where you are." Maddie glared at me, and I was instantly stung with guilt. I should have called her. But why did it matter? Zack came home late without an explanation all the time. Mom had quit nagging on him months ago.

"Let's just go" I motioned for Griffin and Carly to follow me. Maddie's eyes followed our parade, and she sort of wrinkled her nose a bit before returning to putting candy on the shelf. I ignored her obvious disproval, and stepped into the elevator without a word.

I wasn't nervous at all to show my new friends to Mom and Zack. What I was nervous about was Mom's reaction when I walked through the door, soaking wet, with two friends she had never seen before, at 10:26 PM.

I was right to be worried

"Cody! Where the heck have you been?" She screamed, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Mom!" I pushed her away. "I'm fine. These are my friends." I emphasized the word friends, trying to throw across that I wanted her to shut up and stop embarrassing me.

"Friends?" Mom asked, her eyebrow slightly arching. A frown formed on her lips, and she opened her mouth to continue, but no words came out.

Griffin smiled widely, showing white crooked teeth, and Carly nodded with a half smile.

"The bathroom's over there" I pointed to the door in my suite, trying to get them away from the lecture I knew Mom was about to give me. "Use as many towels as you want…we can always get new ones."

They nodded, and proceeded to the little room to dry off. I heard Carly muttering something to herself that I couldn't make out. I probably didn't want to know.

"What the heck were you doing? Out with strangers!"

What did she mean by strangers?

"They're in my grade"

"It doesn't matter!"

So this is why Zack is always fighting with Mom. She just doesn't _get _it. I was making FRIENDS. And she was going to scare them away with her yelling.

Why did I invite them to my suite again?

"Yo Code, can you grab me those chips over there?" A voice called from the couch. I shot a yeah-right-you-wish kind of look, and then began walking towards me room to get a towel and clean clothes. So _now _Zack chooses to notice me. His little slave- I mean _brother_…could have been kidnapped or killed for all he knew-but of course it didn't matter. Watching wrestling was way more important. Way more important then worrying about your nerdy brother. Slave.

"Cody, get me the chips" he repeated, sounding the words out as if I hadn't understood him. But I was through following him. Doing what he said, and hiding away from him and his friends as if they were superior to me in some way. But they weren't. I had friends now.

Touché

"Get them yourself" I replied curtly, and continued onto my room.

Zack stood up to get the chips, grumbling to himself but realizing I wasn't going to. As he was standing next to the couch, Griffin came out of the bathroom, combing his hair with his fingers, his glasses sitting on the tip of his nose.

Zack's eyes widened, as they followed Griffin's figure. He mouthed something I couldn't' understand, then looked at me with horror.

"Why is _he _here?" Zack said. I could detect pure disgust in his voice. Why didn't anyone like my friends?

"Zack, these are my _friends._" I was once again emphasizing the new word in my vocabulary, _friends_, and giving him a shut-up-or-you'll-be-sorry look.

He took it all too lightly…I guess because he knew there wasn't much I could do to him. At least he _thought_.

"You mean there are more freaks here?" Zack looked around the room, as if watching for murderers. So fake. So…Zack.

"Shut up Zack" I growled, narrowing my glance. I had been giving a lot of looks that night. I communicate through my eyes.

"Oh my God. There _are_ more." Zack reached out a finger to point at Carly, who had also emerged from the bathroom. "Cody…remember that little talk we had about embarrassing me? Well, if you start hanging out with these…" he looked around the room, searching for a 'polite' term. "Losers" he settled on. "Then-"

"Ahem" Carly cleared her throat, giving Zack a murderous look. She opened her mouth to say something, but I interrupted.

"Zack, SHUT UP" I said loudly. Griffin and Carly stood awkwardly watching our brewing argument. It was strange how suddenly brave I felt.

"Cody man, I think we should leave" Griffin said softly.

"I'm serious Cody!" Zack said loudly. "You know, I have a reputation I need to preserve."

"And I don't?" I asked, even louder, ignoring Griffin's comment.

"Uh, not really" Zack said quickly. Ok, so maybe it was true. I had no reputation…but I did have my dignity.

"Cool meeting you Cody. Catch you later." Griffin smacked me on the back, and then turned to Mom. "Pleasure meeting you Mrs. Martin," he extended a hand. Mom took it lightly, not really paying attention. I think that she was debating what to yell at me about next.

"Later" Carly said loudly, directing her voice towards me. She sort of growled at Zack, I think it really freaked him out. Then they both left out the door, followed by an awkward silence in the room.

"Thanks a lot guys" I yelled at Mom and Zack. "Thanks so much" I hope they understood the sarcasm in my voice.

"So welcome" said Zack, smirking lightly before finally retrieving the bag of chips from the kitchen.

I ran to my room and shut the door hard, upset. These were the first friends I'd even come close to making in high school, and my family had to scare them away. My STUPID family had to go and ruin everything.

I was about to result to finishing my night in the usual fashion, with lots of tears, but I changed my mind. I was not going to let this chance go.

I ran out of my room, and then out of the suite, towards where Griffin and Carly were heading to the elevator.

"Hey!" I called out. The turned around, Carly staring at me with a hard look. I cringed at her eyes, hoping my words would soften them.

"I'm sorry about everyone. Seriously. They're just…like that."

"Naw man its ok" Griffin nodded his head. "Used to it"

"It is not ok!" Carly looked at Griffin. "You don't know how to defend yourself! You let anyone run over you without saying a word."

So now it was their fight I wanted to leave from.

Griffin didn't answer, so Carly continued.

"Why do you think that you're such a perfect target for-"

"I just wanted to apologize" I interrupted. "I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah" Griffin hummed. "Catch you then" he was ignoring Carly, who continued to loudly preach at him.

"Bye" I uttered sharply, trying to cut into the argument. I hated to be the root of any type of disagreement. I would rather just disappear. Into a book. That's always fun.

But I needed friends

And my chance seemed to seemed to be drifting away…

"What lunch do you have?" I asked cautiously.

"Fourth" Griffin clucked.

"Second" Carly stopped arguing for a while.

"I have fourth…"

Maybe this lunch I wouldn't be sitting alone. I had fourth. But I had never seen Griffin before. Where did he sit?

"Oh, sweet. I'll meet you there then?"

"Yeah" I smiled. Maybe it wasn't a lost case…

* * *

So how was that? I hope you liked it...reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks to everone again, hope you liked it! 


	5. Reconciable Differences

**A/N: Hey, guys! Here's the next chapter, but before we get to that I just want to address something: This is not, I repeat NOT in ANY way a Cody/OC. Nothing against them in general, but you will not find that kind of a romance within these pages. Now, romance in general may be a possibility, but I assure you that if we do go there it will be taken slowly and will not be a major part of the plot.**

**And since it's not been mentioned before I'd like to dedicate this story to anybody who has ever been involved or known someone involved in a drunk driving accident. The greatest danger is found within ourselves, and always remember to think before you drink.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"…Talking to Justin about this whole thing and he thinks we should go for it. Doesn't really matter, though, 'cuz Dylan's not into it and-,"

"-And Dylan's suddenly the entire band?"

"Nah, man, but you know how it is. One person's out, we're all out-,"

"-And how's that working for you?"  
"Actually not bad…"

I shyly approached Ben and Griffin from their spot behind a few lockers at the far end of the school. Having unsuccessfully completed my round around the cafeteria I had proceeded to wandering about the first floor to find his tentative new friends and had, ultimately, found them mostly hidden from the world.

They were hard at work in their conversation and though neither was eating anything they seemed in no hurry to leave. I faked a small cough.

Ben looked over his classmate's shoulder and Griffin turned around expectantly. When he saw me he grinned and scooted over, patting the ground as he did so. "Hey, Cody," he said cheerfully.

"Hi," I said quietly, awkwardly sitting down Indian-style and staring down at my uneaten slice of pizza and carton of apple juice.

Ben seemed to peer at me carefully for a moment before seeming to reach a conclusion. "That guy from Sully's last night, right?"

I nodded.

"So, you like our show?"  
Again, I nodded though this time I showed more exuberant enthusiasm. "Yeah!" I said genuinely. "You guys were really good."

Griffin smiled next to me and scratched his nose. "They've decided they're better than Sully's now," he said in mock solemnity.

I looked up in time to see Ben roll his eyes and yawn. "_All_ I'm saying, Griffin, is we're never gonna get famous if we never get out of this coffee-shop phase."

"Better than the garage-stage, though, isn't it?" I piped up hesitantly. Griffin laughed and Ben emitted a faint chuckle. I felt relief that my wan attempt at humor hadn't fallen flat—that would have been more embarrassing than my snort the night before, not to mention potentially devastating to my fragile social life.

"Watch, Ben, the day you leave for _wherever_ some agent is gonna walk into Sully's, see whatever replacement band they hired, and you'll have missed your shot at making it _big_, man,"

I felt compelled the laugh a little at this (not that it was particularly funny, just that, well, friends _do_ stuff like that, you know?) and as I did so Ben shot me a playful glare. I took a bite out of my pizza.

Ben glanced casually at his watch, let out a hissing swear, and sprung to his feet. "I'm late for my meeting with Falder!"

I blinked. "The principal?"

Griffin cocked his head a little. "What did you do _now_, Ben?"

He laughed and shook his head. "I don't even know," he said as he hurried away. Griffin snickered and drew his knees up so that his chin rested on them. I took another bite out of the piece of pizza.

"So what do you do?" Griffin asked me after a few minutes, eyes curious and glasses slightly askew.

I shrugged. _What _do_ I do_? "I read," I said slowly. I mentally kicked myself; _what kind of geeky answer is _that_? I READ_. "And, uh, just…Like, hang out, and stuff…" It was an incredibly lame reply, but Griffin didn't seem to pick up on that.

"Cool," he said, nodding. "I like to read, too. But I mostly paint."

"You paint?"

Griffin nodded, looking down modestly and fixing his glasses so that they perched straight. A glint of sunlight coming down from the shunted windows made his hazel eyes appear bright gold.

"Yeah," he said, shrugging. "It's just something I've always liked to do. It's nice to, like, to have your painting there in your room at night, you know? So that when you had a hard, um, day, or whatever you can just escape in it, or something."

I smiled. "That's really cool," I said. Because it was.

He returned the expression and laughed lightly. "I'm working on this one now and it's just, like-," he gestured with his hands as though trying to find the right words. "Like, _everything_ I want to say, you know? Just one big sentence, really. Only painted. I've been working on it for months so it's kinda…" he shrugged again. "My entire life encompassed on that canvas. Just-," again, he struggled to find the words. Apparently unable to locate suitable adjectives, he said, "I dunno, but…"

"Wish I could see it," I said genuinely. I fought back a hopelessly idiotic smile, but it was hard work. I just wanted to get up and shout to the world that I, Cody Martin, _had made a friend_! _Three_ of them! I got this cliché warm and fuzzy feeling in my stomach and yawned to cover up my wide grin.

"Dude, you totally can!" said Griffin eagerly. "You should come over after school. Or hang out this Friday, or whatever. You could come see my paintings and hear some of Carly's stuff."

I grinned, unable to help myself. Screw pride. "Carly's stuff?" I echoed.

Griffin nodded quickly. "Yeah," he said. "She writes songs. Like Ben." He slowly smiled a troublemaker's smirk and laughed shortly. "See why I think they should hook up?"  
I snickered, but then my smile faded as I saw the back of Zack's head disappear as he unknowingly walked past us and down the hall. Griffin raised a brow and followed my gaze, biting his lip when he saw what I'd seen.

"So do-do you and your brother get along?" he asked politely.

I immediately shook my head. "No," I said shortly. I sighed. "But my mom wasn't all that, uh, impressed when she met you and Carly yesterday, so…"

Griffin coughed harshly and nodded. "I don't really blame her," he said fairly. "We did make a bad impression, right?" I nodded apologetically. He shrugged. "Would it, like, be okay if we stopped by later tonight to say we're sorry for using all your towels? We did waste, like, six of them…"

"No, it's no big-," I started to wave it off, but then stopped as I relieved what

he was getting at. "-Yeah," I said slowly. "Yeah, that might be a good idea, man."

He nodded airily and coughed again.

I took another bite out of the pizza.

Since Zack and no longer walked home together I didn't know that he'd gone home sick until I actually _got_ home. Mom was making tomato soup, a dish she only prepared and served when someone in the suite was sick. I carefully set my backpack down to the left of the door and walked into the kitchen.

"Hi, Cody," said my mom, smiling and spooning the soup into a bowl.

"Hey," I said, furrowing my brow. "Zack's sick?"

Mom sighed and nodded. "I think he's got that virus that's going around," she said. I looked at her skeptically.

"There's a _virus_ going around?"

"Cody," she said, tone one of warning. I recoiled my future arguments and leaned against the counter. "He's not faking it. The people in the office took his temperature and he's got a fever."

I didn't know what to say to that so I said nothing. Mom had felt compelled to give me a twenty minute lecture last night in regards to going places with people she didn't know without telling her, while I had desperately tried to defend the appearances of Carly and Griffin. Neither of us had really made an impact on the other, and Zack certainly hadn't helped any with his "opinions" on the matters.

Mom disappeared into the room I shared with Zack, and I grabbed a binder and sat down at the kitchen table. I had forty five algebraic equations due the next day, and they certainly weren't going to solve themselves.

I was in my room searching for an extra pencil when I heard Zack mumble something in his sleep. I froze. He was sniffling in bed and I slowly turned around so as to see if something was the matter. I frowned when I saw tears running down his cheeks and my mouth dropped open slightly.

_What the_-

"Um," I said awkwardly, unsure of what to do. What the hell was _wrong_ with my brother? "Z-Zack?"  
His eyes fluttered open and he looked at me, eyes red-rimmed and forehead sweaty. "What?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it, unsure of what to say. I hated this guy, right? "Are you, like, okay, or whatever?"  
He sniffed, wiping a quick hand over his eyes. "M'fine," he said indignantly, glaring. Wonderful. Even when he was _sick_ my twin was a jerk. When I didn't look away he narrowed his eyes even more. "_What_?" he snapped angrily.

"Never mind," I said hastily, moving towards the door.

"Er-wait, Cody-,"

I paused, rather pissed off at him. Still, I turned around expectantly. "Yeah?"

He bit his lip, opening his mouth and clearing his throat. "I just wanted to say-," he sighed and broke off, running a hand through his hair and looking uncomfortable. "I guess I'm just sorry about how I've been acting, okay? It's just-I have a reputation, now, you know, and I don't wanna blow it-,"

I shook my head impatiently. Load of crap. "Whatever," I said. "Don't worry about it. I'm okay." _But don't make fun of my friends, ass-hole_.

He said nothing else. I left the room and blamed his "confession" on the fever.

Around seven that night someone rang the bell at our suite and a flutter of nervousness burst within my stomach. My mother, oblivious to the scheme, answered it, pulling away in surprise when she saw who stood before her.

"Hi, Mrs. Martin," said Griffin cheerfully, smiling. "I just wanted to thank you for letting my sister and I use your towels last night. I was very nice of you."

Mom half turned to me, and I took her momentary silence to be that of shock. "Oh-," she sputtered, clearing his throat slightly. "You're welcome," she said and I was heartened by the fact that her voice wasn't cold or judgmental.

Griffin just smiled at her politely. "The three of us went to a little café downtown and we were listening to the music and I guess we just sorta last track of time…" he shrugged apologetically. "I'm sorry if Cody got in trouble, or…" his sentence trailed off and I hid a smirk behind a pillow.

"Well," said mom. "Thank you for coming over…?"

"Griffin," said Griffin. "And my sister's Carly."

"Thank you, Griffin. I'd invite you inside but Zack's got the flu."

He shrugged, still exceedingly polite, and nodded once. "That's okay," he said, raising a hand to greet me. I returned the gesture. "I'll see you tomorrow, Cody." He once again looked back towards my mother. "Bye, Mrs. Martin."

Mom shut the door slowly as he walked off down the hall and then turned to me. "That was the boy who was here last night?" she asked me.

"Yep," I said.

She looked at me closely. "He seems nice," was all she said.

I grinned and went back to my homework.

* * *

**Reviews are definatly appreciated. Thanks to everyone who reviewed before!**

** -Nixy Angel**


	6. Maybe

** And hello everyone, I am SO sorry about how long it took me to update this. School has been seriously giving me an extremly hard time, and I couldn't update very fast. But I finally found the time, and here it is!**

* * *

I retired that night into the welcoming covers of my bed, only to discover that the room was all but quiet. Zack lay in the bed beside mine, subconsciously groaning in obvious pain from his sickness. The sound of creaking from his constant tossing echoed in my ears, and I buried my head under my pillow in an effort to find peace. Upon discovering none, I decided trying to sleep in the noise was impossible, and flicked the switch on the small lamp sitting on our oak nightstand.

The light spread through the room, and I stretched out a hand searching for the book I kept handy next to my bed. That's when I caught a glimpse of Zack. His face was shaded scarlet, and sweat pasted his sandy hair to the side of his head. I watched him turn once again, gently lifting a hand as if to wipe something from his face, and then let it fall.

Something very strange happened at that second. I felt something in my heart stir. It was almost a feeling like…pity.

Of course it wasn't pity. This was Zack. My brother…who had so rudely insulted and ignored me since the beginning of high school.

But this felt an awful lot like pity.

The type of pity you feel for someone you care about. It was more then just lightly given pity. I felt _bad _for him. Like I would feel bad for Griffin or Carly if something happened to them. After all, they _were_ my friends. (It still seemed odd using that way of thinking) My brother on the other hand wasn't. He was nothing like a friend. He was the enemy. And yet…I felt _bad_.

Maybe he had really been serious a few hours before. Just maybe my brother really did care in the slightest bit, and was just trying to survive high school. That was what I had been trying to do in the years as well. And I can admit, I hadn't been such a great brother either. Was there maybe the slightest chance that we could regain what we had lost during the transition to high school.

But did I want to make peace? Did I care?

I gave up denying it. I did care.

_Just maybe if I said something…_

"Zack" I whispered softly, not sure if he were asleep or just trying to.

He twitched slightly, and I noticed his glistening eyelids squint harder together.

"Hey" I stated, not sure if he had heard me. There was no way he could be sleeping.

"What?" A raspy voice hissed. I stepped back, but remained near the bed. Zack's eyes slowly opened, the raised to look at me.

"I was just like, um, thinking." There I went again, proving my stupidity to my brother. "Like, did you mean what you said before?" _That_ wasn't what I had meant to say. What _had _I meant to say?

"Uh Mmm" Zack let his eyelids shut again, and didn't reply.

_What did Uh Mmm mean? _

"Zack…" my voice trailed off, and I changed my mind about saying something. It had been stupid to get up anyway. "Night Zack" I whispered finally.

"Night" came a soft voice. I felt the corners of my mouth turning up involuntarily. This time, I didn't stop the smile from forming over my face as I sat on my bed with my book in my hands.

We hadn't bid goodnight to each other for years.

* * *

I snuggled deeper into the soft bedding, refusing to acknowledge the coming of day. 

"Cody get up" a voice seemed to be floating in the air. It lingered near my ear, and I twitched, burrowing into my pillow and squeezing my eyes shut. I parted my lips, softly groaning those oh so cliché three words.

"Five more minutes"

"Cody" Mom said sternly.

In a trance, I stuck my legs out from under me, letting my bare feet touch the soft carpet. Eyes half open and half closed, I tramped towards the bathroom to prepare for the day.

Memories from the previous night floated around me, and I smiled slightly. Though my body was tired and groggy, my mind was fresh and full of ideas. Today was Friday. The first Friday since I had met Griffin and Carly. And this day held promise for something more then sitting and crying my eyes out.

Maybe

I ran a comb through my blonde hair quickly as a finishing touch to my outfit, a quite nice brown and white polo shirt with faded blue jeans, and then left the bathroom to the kitchen. I was surprised to see Zack sitting at the table, or rather laying on it.

"Morning Zack" I said cheerfully.

Zack looked up from where his head lay on the table, raised an eyebrow, and then snickered with a lopsided grin. "Whatever" he screeched. I could detect a sort of mocking tone in his voice.

I glared at him and shook my head. Same old Zack.

It had been nice while it lasted.

* * *

I spent my classes doodling pictures on scrap papers while the teachers explained their lessons for the hundredth time to the rest of the class. I was loosing interest in high school, and longing for more of a challenge. AP and honors classes were still dull and redundant to me. Freshman year, while the rest of the class was creeping through _Romeo and Juliet_; I was completing _Hamlet _and _Julius Caesar. _This year, while everyone complained about Spanish I, I was flying through Spanish III. This year, while everyone one else dragged through Geometry and Algebra II, I was passing Calculus with a 98. Basically, I was bored. It was too easy for me.

So as you can imagine, lunch was a relief to me. Sitting with Griffin, and sometimes Ben, was probably the most interesting thing that happened all day to me.

"So you're like, making straight A's?" Ben looked at me in amazement.

"Yeah" I agreed sheepishly, hoping to get off of the subject of school. I didn't want to sound braggy, and defiantly not nerdy.

"Dude, I like made A B C D! If we had like, five classes, I could have pulled of an F."

"I'm sure you could Ben" Griffin shook his head, speaking for the first time since we had sat. I don't think he was enjoying talking about school either, because he quickly changed the subject.

"So Cody, are you coming today?" he smiled.

"Coming where?" I turned the

"To my house! I have some stuff you need to see."

This took me as surprise. I couldn't help myself smiling widely, and nodding agreement in an eager geeky sort of way.

"Yeah!" I exclaimed.

Luckily, Griffin didn't find my reaction amusing, and also began to smile widely. "Great! So, like, when do you wanna come?"

"Sometime after school…it doesn't matter. What time is best for you?" I still had to remember manners.

"If its ok, just ride home with me and Carly. Then we can take you home or whatever."

"Yeah, that'll be cool," I attempted a deeper voice in an effort to sound, "chill." Griffin just laughed.

"Funny man," he simpered smoothly. I blushed a bit, but for some reason, the embarrassment wasn't such a big deal to me. Maybe it was a part of having friends.

* * *

"Aw come on Carly! Just admit it!" Griffin snickered

"I think he likes you too," I peeped up. Carly just shook her head, doing her best to hold back a huge grin sneaking up the sides of her face.

"We're here!" she announced, obviously eager to change the subject of her crush on Ben.

The brick house looked small, but that gave it a cozy appearance. It seemed to be a small work of art itself, harboring a quite appropriate family. The outside was guarded by a rainbow of flowers and plants, and left a small pathway to the doorstep. I followed Griffin and Carly cautiously, keeping my eyes on the ground. Carly inserted a small golden key into the lock, and then pushed the wooden door open, revealing a wooden floored room.

My insides were turning, and I swallowed deeply, and stepped into the house.


	7. Friend Not Foe

_Sillver Medal and Nixy Angel's_

_On the Outside Looking In _

**Chapter VII**

A/N: Hey, it's Sillver. This is an important chapter, so no skimming allowed! Haha, but seriously, next chapter's a biggie so don't miss out! Enjoy…

The house was one like I'd never seen before. A glorious red-wood foyer opened to a twisting marble staircase that sailed above spotless white carpet, dark maroon walls, and a gently turning hallway that I could not see the end of.

Instead of simply dropping their backpacks wherever, they walked over to a white cabinet and hung them neatly inside. I was awestruck and tried to close my gaping mouth as they led me up the stairs casually, as though living in such a mansion was no big deal. The outside of the building had made it look tiny, small, as though it were just another suburban home. I said as much and Griffin laughed.

"Yeah," he said, still chuckling. "Dad did that. It's an illusion; something about drawing your eyes elsewhere, or something. I dunno. It works, though, apparently,"

Carly rolled her eyes and walked over to the first door we came to after finishing the long steps of the staircase. "I'll be in my room," she stated clearly, flashing Griffin a look I didn't read. She disappeared inside and I was polite enough not to look inside, though my curiosity burned.

"Whatever," Griffin said, sticking out his tongue at the closed door. With a happy sort of bounce he turned in a different direction and led me down a different hallway. Portraits, paintings, and old photographs lined the walls and I tried to look at them all as we passed. Most were of two little kids, a boy and a girl, who smiled widely back at the camera. All were in a dramatic black and white and contrasted perfectly with the intense art placed around it.

They were incredible, those paintings.

"Come on," said Griffin when I'd slowed down to look closely at a sketch of someone's braided hair. His tone was impatient, it was eager. Very refreshing.

"Did you draw all these?" I asked him as we walked down the long hallway.

He shrugged. "Most of them," he said as though it were no big deal. "My dad paints, too, so some of this is his work."

"Wow," I said softly. He laughed a little as though my amazement was comic, and came to an abrupt stop outside a door. Assuming this was his room, I straightened up and obediently followed him inside.

His room was jaw-dropping.

It was not just the sheer _size_ that left me speechless, it was the murals spanning from wall to wall. Bright colors faded into darker, melodramatic tones and the more I studied it the more I understood what it _was_. It was a panoramic painting of a crowd of people. Men carrying briefcases, women with small children, elderly grandparents with canes and knitted shawls, teenagers on skateboards, babies in their mothers' arms…All painted life-size and so incredibly life-_like_, too.

"Whoa…" I murmured as I turned my neck around to look at everything. As I studied it closer I saw that some of the mural was yet unfinished and then a case of paintbrushes and a glass of muddy water near the bay window answered my unasked question. Finished or not, it was still mastery at work.

Griffin was watching my reaction. "I started it three years ago," he said simply. "I've been working on it ever since."

"It's…incredible, man," I said and thought that I must have sounded rather pathetic as I blushed slightly.

"Thanks," he said, smiling.

My eyes fell on a little canvas in the corner of the room by the big window. A sheet was thrown over it delicately, hiding it completely from view. I didn't dare walk over; such an action would be rude and childish. Griffin, again, seemed to read my mind and he shrugged apologetically.

"It's not done yet," he said, tossing me a bag of chips. "I don't want to show it to anyone until it is, you know? Kind of a Picasso-sort of thing, I guess."

I masked my disappointed and popped a Dorito in my mouth. He grabbed a DVD from a rack near his computer and popped it in. Grabbing the black couch and moving it in front of the monitor we munched on chips, sipped on pop, and watched the movie as it played before our eyes.

ONE WEEK LATER

It was lunch time again and I couldn't find Griffin anywhere. Ben, however, was sitting alone at a rare table, listening to an iPod. When he saw me he yanked out the earphones and raised a brow at my organic lunch. I made no comment.

"Where's Griffin?" I asked him when I'd sat down. Ben popped an M&M into his mouth and swallowed it with a chug of Gatorade.

"Retaking a science test," he said gruffly. "Or smoking. One of the two."

We laughed at the joke (being friends and all) to hide our slight unease towards Griffin's unfortunate habit.

"How long's he been smoking?" I asked Ben boldly. With people who I could hang out with, it was easier being myself. I'd gained confidence in this past week that I'd never had before.

Ben shrugged. "Few years. Eighth grade, maybe. Says it's an artist thing."

I nodded slowly. We both worried about Griffin from time to time. He was shy and a pleaser, which, aside from being refreshing and kind, often led to trouble with bullies. To escape these problems he turned to alcohol or, without a choice these days, to cigarettes. He'd never done drugs, Ben said, and never would. He wasn't stupid. He _was_ easily manipulated, which often drove Carly nuts.

"I tried to get him to stop, like," Ben flexed his fingers and thought for a moment. "Halfway through freshman year. Didn't work, obviously."

"Yeah? That sucks," I said, taking a bite out of my apple and chewing it over. "He's gonna get emphysema by the time he's twenty, at this rate." It was a joke, but neither of us laughed. _Zack_ was the funny twin, okay?

We finished our lunches, walked out of the cafeteria together, and went our separate ways to our next classes. Such was the way of high school.

FIVE WEEKS LATER

"Cody! Wait up!"

I stopped outside the school, turning to find Carly hurrying towards me. It was a Thursday and the last class of the day had ended ten minutes ago. I slowed down until she reached me and she flashed a smile as she came up beside me.

"Hey," I said. "What's up?"  
Carly scowled and tossed back her long, black hair (which she had braided today). "My car's at the dealership," she said, rolling her eyes. "Something's wrong with the engine."

Something occurred to me that moment and I couldn't help but ask. "Hey-why is it that _you_ have a car and Griffin doesn't?"

She laughed somewhat musically and we walked through the crowded parking lot. Cars sped by on the road and Boston loomed up before us like arrows to an uncharted sun. "Because he doesn't drive," she said, teasing in her voice. "He refused to take part two of driver's training. He's a big baby," she laughed and I chimed in.

We continued walking around the parking lot (continually stopped by wild cars and students), talking about school and people and this and that, until a burst of shouting and laughter came from behind us. I turned sharply and saw a group of people huddled in a circle around at least three figures, one of which was pressed up against a wall. A sinking feeling in my stomach, I followed Carly over in a sprint.

Three of the biggest, meanest, stupidest guys in the grade (football uniforms worn proudly) were tossing around a much smaller, thinner, more vulnerable kid mercilessly. My heart sped up when I saw who it was.

Griffin.

Carly was shouting just as loud as everyone else, trying desperately to claw her way to the front of the circle. I tried to follow, but I wasn't strong enough to break through. Tossed out again from the crowd I looked around in confusion and panic, and my eyes found a familiar face.

There was my brother, laughing along with the rest of the crowd. Laughing and pointing and smirking and cheering. Anger sprung up inside me and I was about to make a lunge for him when a hand fell upon my shoulder. Spinning around I noticed Ben, his eyes dark and narrowed.

"W-," I started to say, but all at once he was past me, pushing everyone aside until he reached the center of the mob. Grabbing one of the bullies by the neck he shoved him up against the wall even as Griffin was punched again and sent down to his knees. The other two leapt at Ben, but he held his own skillfully and was able to avoid being murdered until several teachers ran outside and broke everyone apart.

When the crowd had dissipated, the bullies sent to the principal's office, and Ben let off the hook with a strict warning, I ran over to where he and Carly crouched next to Griffin who squatted against the wall.

His nose was bleeding and there was a decent size cut on his upper left cheek. A bruise was slowly forming over his right eye and he held his arms over his ribcage protectively. He was breathing heavily and closed his eyes as he fought to catch his breath. Carly reached out to touch him and as she did so he drew away.

"Hey, man, come on," Ben said quietly, reaching out a hand. Griffin looked up, eyes glittering. For a moment I thought he would refuse, but that was his way as he allowed Ben to pull him to his feet. One of the remaining teachers stopped to ask if he was going to be okay.

"I think so," I said, taking the initiative. She wandered back into the building. Carly was looking at her foster-brother with a mixture of sympathy and disappointment and as the three of us slowed to match his pace she sighed lowly.

"You didn't even try to defend yourself," she said as we finally made it past the parking lot. Ben and I looked up to frown at her, but Griffin said nothing. "I know it was three on one, but you still could've-,"

"-Carly," said Ben loudly. His voice was firm and authoritive. "Shut up."

She turned a little pink and Ben suddenly rounded on Griffin, forcing him to make eye contact. I watched it all silently, forever an onlooker. "Listen to me, Griffin." When Griffin continued to stare at the ground he grew more persistent. "_Griffin_." He looked up. "It's not your fault, okay? The fight was unfair. You-,"

"-Just drop it, okay?" Griffin's voice was small and quiet and I felt a surge of pity for him.

"Those guys are jerks," I threw in passionately, voice laden with emotion.

"Forget it, man," Griffin said, attempting a small smile and failing miserably. Carly hugged him quickly and he hugged her back, albeit slightly. She turned to Ben and nodded slightly, sighing.

"Thanks," she said. "That was really cool back there."

He shrugged. "Friends help friends," he stated matter-of-factly. And as Griffin and I watched them awkwardly shuffle their feet we weren't at all surprised when they, too, finally pulled into an embrace. It last longer than Carly's last hug, and this one was filled with the chemistry Romeo and Juliet had encompassed.

Despite what had happened back the school, Griffin and I both turned to each other and grinned.

It was about _time_!

After Carly and Griffin had turned down their street and Ben down his I began thinking of what the hell I was going to say to my brother. Again, my insides squirmed in anger and I balled my fists as I reached the hotel.

Maybe I should take up Karate.

SIX WEEKS LATER

The rain fell in buckets down on us as Carly, Griffin, and I hurried into Sully's. Ben's band was performing in a matter of minutes and we were looking forward to hearing their new songs.

We got our usual table near the stage, and ordered our usual drinks. Carly grabbed an aisle seat and when Ben looked up to say hello to us from his perch onstage he gave a special smile to Carly. She was blushing slightly when she turned back to look at us.

"Aww…" Griffin teased her, and I laughed. "How _sweet_, Carly."

She huffed but said nothing more.

Smirking, I took a bite out of the cookie I'd ordered and broke off a piece for Griffin at his request. "Did you quit smoking yet?" I asked him, dangling the dessert just out of his reach and keeping my voice mockingly stern.

"Nah, man, it's my New Year's resolution," he declared proudly. Griffin never lied, so I believed him and handed him the piece of the cookie.

Carly handed me something from her backpack and upon turning it over I saw that it was a novel. "_The Invisible Man_?" I asked her, reading the title. She nodded.

"I just finished it," she said. "It was amazing."

I shot her a grin. "Thanks," I said genuinely, setting the novel aside to read when I got home. She nodded and sipped at her cappuccino.

The band began to play and I cheered as loudly and as passionately as the rest of them.

When Griffin and Carly dropped me off later I bid them goodbye and goodnight, and smirked back at Griffin as reminded me of an inside joke we both shared. Closing the old car's door firmly behind me, I waltzed confidently and proudly up the steps and into the lobby of the hotel.

Outside the rain continued to fall.

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Hello, this is Nixy Angel. Just a quick note...reviews are really really really appreciated. Last chapter's review rack was really sad. Please send reviews and tell Sillver what a great job she did on the chapter. It was awesome was it not? And be sure you read this, its important leading up to the next chapter, which is really really important, as she said in the beginning. Thanks to the few of you who DID review...it was really really appreciated!

Nixy Angel


	8. The Accident

A/N: Sillver again! Nixy was busy this week so I did her a favor and wrote this chapter. Like I said before, it's going to set the tone for the rest of the story. BIG THANKS to all who reviewed the last chapter! You guys seriously rock. Think we can continue the trend? crosses fingers Enjoy:)

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Zack was two hours late.

Mom was pacing the suite, running hands through her auburn hair and trying to take calm, deep breaths. God, it sounded like she was going into labor or something. You'd think we were being held under gunpoint.

As for me? I could honestly say that I didn't give a rat's ass where Zack was. He was probably getting wasted at some party, screwing some girl he didn't even know, or pushing around some other less-popular kid who deserved nothing of the bullying he was bound to be getting-

-Alright. So I was bitter. Exceedingly bitter, actually, and seriously pissed off.

"Why doesn't he call…Why doesn't he call…"

Mom was pacing, and from my long life experience of sixteen point five six years that spoke very clearly of anxiety. At least to me, anyway. She went from end to end in that little kitchen like she was practicing for the Kentucky Derby, or something. It was making me feel dizzy.

"Relax, mom," I said in a tone less than reassuring. I knew I should be just a little bit concerned for my brother, but after I'd caught him taking a swig of liquor after school and helping his friends beat up some poor unsuspecting Goth girl I wasn't feeling very charitable. "He probably just forgot."

The top five problems of being a twin are like this (results may vary):

_Sharing._ _Being confused for one another._ _Sharing._ _Identity._ _Sharing._

I have a real problem with sharing. Maybe it started in Kindergarten when Zack took all the good dinosaurs during play and the rest of us kids were stuck with Barbie and Pooh Bear. Nothing against either toy, but playing Pooh-and-Barbie-decided-to-get-married-and-then-go-on-a-really-really-really-big-adventure got a little old. Catch my drift?

Anyway, Zack was late, mom was freaking out, and I was sitting at the coffee table working on my science homework. All three sentences of it. Whew.

Mom was in the middle of a panicked rant regarding Zack's lack of responsibility in leaving his cell phone attended in our room (in which I interjected quite a few colorful phrases) when the phone felt compelled to give us all heart attacks. Why does that always happen? Why can't it ever ring when you're _expecting_ it to ring? Why does it wait for that _one_ moment you're busy with something else?

_Geez_.

Mom answered it zero point two seconds after it began to ring, and I think she would have said hello earlier had she not been on the outward slope of her Derby-run through. I put down my pencil to listen.

"Oh my God," Mom went pale suddenly and my heart skipped a beat. "Is he-is he-," she seemed unable to finish the question. I half rose from my kneeling position, a faint frown forming on my face. "Yes. Yes of course. Right away. I'll be right there. Tell him I'm coming! Tell him-," she inhaled quickly and seemed almost to fight back a _sob_, which really put me on edge.

What the _hell_-

Mom hung up the phone after exchanging tearful goodbyes. Tearful. _Tearful_. I nervously made my way towards her, hands wringing each other subconsciously. She looked at me, eyes wide and glittering, face a shade of ash.

"What?" I asked her, impatience creeping into my voice. She made no answer, simply staring out at nothing as if in shock. "_Mom_!" I demanded.

She looked at me and swallowed thickly. "Zack's been in a-in an accident. That was the hospital."

I felt my heart drop to my feet, trepidation speeding through my veins. "What?" My hands dropped to my side.

My mom shook her head as if to clear it, grabbed her car keys from atop the kitchen counter, and led me out to her car. I didn't think she was fit to drive, and though my mind was somewhat numb at least I wasn't crying like she was. I offered to take us there, but she refused vehemently. I didn't argue.

We hardly spoke the whole way there.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

The hospital waiting room was nearly empty (it being eleven on a Thursday night-my school having no school the next day) and so I paid no attention to a crying figure curled up in a corner chair. I followed my mom back into the ER where we were ushered along by nurses and a doctor.

I caught little things like, "broken ribs," and "broken wrist," and "severe blood loss" but mainly I just tried to steel myself for whatever I was about to see. If my brother was dying I didn't know-I didn't want I was going to d-do…

And if he-if he _died_?

I blinked my eyes once, hard, and continued to walk at that abnormally brisk pace. Dad was devil-knows-where and if mom was _already_ breaking down then I needed to be the strong one. And that was Zack's job. I was the sensitive one! The caring one! The gentle one for God's sake! This wasn't-this wasn't-

-This wasn't me.

The room we were led to was small and things were beeping everywhere. People were wheeled around like entrees at an Italian bistro and words and phrases spoken in languages so foreign to me they might as well have been Latin were shouted across the halls. Controlled chaos.

Zack was sitting up in the hospital bed, looking pale and haggard, but still very much alive. His wrist was bandaged heavily, and it lay atop several blankets as if supporting his chest. His eyes moved towards the door, and when he recognized us he managed a small, tired smile.

Mom rushed over, cupping his face in her hands and kissing his hair furiously as she hugged his head to her. I saw him wince slightly but said nothing. When at last mom pulled away I took a deep breath and walked slowly over, staring at my feet.

Awkward.

"Hey," he rasped, swallowing thickly. I forced a smile and nodded back and he, much to my confusion, looked guiltily away.

The doctor walked over to us and scanned the clipboard in his hands. "In addition to the broken wrist and cracked ribs there was a serious laceration across his stomach. If you will, Zachary-," Zack lifted up his shirt slowly, as though it caused his pain, and a long, jagged cut was made clear to both mom and I. It stretched from his upper chest (close to his throat) down to his abdomen and looked deep and blood red. Dozens of stitches held it closed.

Mom gasped softly beside me and began to fuss over Zack again. After more words that meant little the doctor left us alone.

"What happened, baby?" Mom asked my brother, and again he looked away, face reddening (a sharp contrast to his pale skin). I buried my hands in my pockets and watched him carefully, a seed of unease planted firmly in my stomach.

Zack began to speak, doing so slowly and languidly. "I was at a part with friends-," he stopped to catch his breath. "And a few of them got-got carried away. I didn't want to r-ride with them but I had no other way home-,"

_Liar_, a vicious voice in my head spat out. _You could have called us_.

"We were driving and-and this other car comes like, out of nowhere and we just-crashed…" He reached a shaking hand up to push his long hair out of his face and mom hugged him gently.

Stupid, stupid, _stupid_! I wanted to scream. I managed to refrain.

But he was okay. He wasn't dead. He was shaken up and hurt, but he was still alive and deep down I had never felt so grateful. It's funny; you think you don't care about someone, heck, you even maybe think you _hate_ them, but then they almost die and everything about them just changes. You know? Like, before tonight I didn't think I even counted Zack as my brother anymore; Griffin and Ben were more brotherly to me than he was, and Carly was like my sister.

But Zack had scared me that night, scared me so bad just hearing him speak—however painful his words were to hear—made me want to fall to my knees and thank someone because it seemed to be some kind of _miracle_.

The room was starting to feel crowded, so when mom and Zack were in the middle of a serious heart-to-heart I slipped out ("Bathroom") and sank down in one of the empty chairs in the waiting room. I shuffled through the magazines.

Why do hospital magazines always have to _suck_ so bad?

I'd settled on a prehistoric _National Geographic_ when a small voice made me look up in a sort of surprised shock.

"Cody?"

Because I knew that voice. I knew it well. It was the voice that had helped to rescue me from my downward spiral into nothingness, and this was the _last place_ on _Earth_ I wanted to see that person.

"Carly?"

She was curled up in one of the seats, dark hair messy and unkempt around her face, eyes red-rimmed and puffy. She'd been doing some serious crying. She looked as though she'd merely slipped on an old sweatshirt and jeans and drove ten over to get here, and a jolt inside me told me that that was probably what had happened. My heart skipped a beat.

"What're you doing here?" I asked her, frowning deeply. She shook her head, overwhelmed with tears once again and turned away. After a few moments (me exercising my skill of patience) she looked back up at me in utter grief.

"It's Griffin-," she started, hiccupping back a sob and covering her face with her hands. "There was a car accident and he-,"

He stared at her numbly, trying to take everything in. What were the odds of there being two car accidents at the same time on the _same_ night? And what were the odds of _both_ of them involving someone I cared about?

And then it hit me.

It was the same car accident.

"Is he okay?" I asked, tone demanding. Carly shrugged, shoulders shaking with repressed cries. "Well, have you heard anything?"  
She had opened her mouth to say something when a voice called out: "Carly North?" We both turned around to face a doctor who walked over briskly. "Your parents are back there waiting for you-," he started, but Carly cut him off.

"They're not my parents," she said softly, and I looked at her in surprise. Always before she had expressed nothing but love for her adopted mom and dad; why the change of heart _now_, of all times?

The doctor looked up briefly before lowering his eyes back down to the chart in his hands. "Your legal guardians, than," he said, a little bit of contempt in his voice.

"I don't-I can't-," Carly ran a hand through her long hair and swallowed thickly, tears still shimmering in her eyes. "I'm going to stay out here a little longer."

The doctor raised a brow and began to turn away with a brisk nod, but Carly stopped him almost desperately.

"Wait!" she cried out. "Is Griffin okay? Is my brother okay?"

I looked at her strangely; what was _up_ with her? So, her mom and dad were no longer her parents, but Griffin still retained the title of her sibling? _Girls_.

The doctor sighed and both Carly and I waited on the sharpest of pins for his answer. "We're doing all we can," he said. "He suffered serious head trauma upon impact and we're trying to control the swelling. It's still unclear of how much damage was sustained and how serious the other injuries are. For now our main concern in his head and we're trying our hardest to find out the extent of the injury." He glanced back down at the chart quickly and I head Carly sob hoarsely. "We do know one thing for sure, though," said the doctor, looking at her sympathetically and shaking his head slowly. My heart thumped painfully in my chest and it hurt to breathe.

_How could this have even happened? _Zack, Griffin; in the _same_ accident...a wave of anger spread through me as I realized that it had been the car my brother was in that had hit Griffin's. How or why Griffin had been driving I didn't know, but because Zack had let a drunk friend drive home he could have been _dead_, or _dying_ for all I knew. I curled my fists in uncharacteristic anger and felt tears burn my eyes.

The doctor had begun to talk again and I forced myself to pay attention. Maybe he wasn't dead. Maybe he was alive…

"If he does wake up," said the doctor. "He'll never see again."


	9. What Waiting Does

**Hey! Nicole (Nixy) again...hope you like this chapter! I didn't write the last chapter because of report cards and I had NO time. Lol...I'm sure anyone here can relate to how much time school takes...yeah.**

**So anyway, hope you like this chapter!**

**And please leave reviews...last chapter was very scarce. Does Puppy Dog Pout Review and I'll give you a cookie! Lol...thanks for reading!**

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The words caught in my throat, jerking me back to reality.

_"If he does wake up…"_

What did they mean _if he does wake up_? Of course he would wake up. There was no doubt of that in my mind.

_Right?_

Of course, the word _death _had occurred in my thoughts. Even the possibility of that being the result of his accident. But the actual meaning and existence had not fully taken course in my comprehension. The doctor had spoken those words uncertainly, as if he was not sure. He _should_ be sure, right?

_"He'll never see again"_

And when he did wake (I had to assure myself this in order to prevent complete and total break down) he would never see? Did he mean that as in…blindness?

That word brought the image of elderly grandparents wearing dark glasses and walking with a cane, or a special dog. Not Griffin. There was no way. No way at all.

I heard a small gasp from beside me, and turned to see Carly gaping at the doctor, wearing a stupefied expression. Something uncommon from the girl I had always admired for her strength and pride. She shook her head in obvious denial, and sunk deeper into the plush corner chair, hiccupping loudly.

The doctor turned once again, and I watched to make sure he had disappeared before turning to Carly, eyes pleading for more explanation. She shook her head and buried her face into her arms.

I remained there for a few moments, allowing her to regain an audible voice. It took a few moments to think of an easy conversation starter that would not put her in tears again, but would give me a clearer idea of what happened.

"Does Ben know?" I finally said gently, when the hiccups had slowed.

"No" She said shortly. But at least she didn't start crying again. Instead, she continued heaving labored breaths, preparing herself I guess.

"Why was he driving?" I just couldn't help myself. The question was one obvious that she had refused an explanation of.

"I don't know" she sniffed. "I don't-"

"Okay" I returned to silence, realizing that I wasn't going to get an answer from her.

XxXxXx

Mom, Carly, her family, and I spent that night in the hospital.

Actually, I wasn't very pleased with the idea of staying for Zack…he was obviously ok. But Mom was hysterical, and insisted on staying as close to "her baby" as possible. And that meant the hospital.

Actually…the only reason I seriously tolerated this little sleep over was because I wanted to stay with Carly and make sure Griffin was going to be ok.

And in this little time…I had been doing some serious thinking. Though I hadn't retained much information from Zack, I had gotten enough. And to me, it seemed to all be more his fault then anyone. Or at least he was the only one that I could blame.

1. He had _allowed _drunk drivers on the street. And _ridden _with them. If he had not been with them…they probably would have left at a different time or something like that. And then they wouldn't have hit Griffin. And who cared if Griffin didn't have a license? He was not the one that had hit _them._ He probably would have been driving whether he had one or not, and the same thing would have happened

2.They were _his _friends. We had all warned Zack about them. Mom had given up on disallowing him from the parties, since he would find away to go to them anyway. Nothing confused me more then the fact that _Zack _had not been drunk as well. Seriously…it was not his style.

3. He could have _called. _Not just Mom, but any of the many friends he acquired some way or another. Exactly _why _people wanted to befriend him was a mystery to me, but that is beyond the point.

It all made perfect sense to me, and I rehearsed speeches in my head for confrontation to me brother. I had "visited" him once or twice since we arrived at the hospital, at Mom's insistence. And then we had only made small talk such as "You tired?" or "That must hurt". I was not about to confront him in front of Mom. This was something that I had to do when I was with him…alone. I made up my mind, and returned to scanning the pages of _National Geographic _without much thought

Carly had fallen asleep, wore out from nonstop crying. And she still had not seen her brother. This was all beginning to frustrate me. The mixture of anger towards my brother, and fear for my friend's life gnawing at me I could feel a sort of tiredness threatening to overtake me. In denying it quickly, I was only greeted by even more of a wish to lie down and shut me eyes. Just for a moment…

"Carly North?" Came the doctor's booming voice. I jerked upwards at the sound of his voice, startled from a quite a peaceful sleep, which was strange for my situation.

"Your brother has awakened, but is still in critical condition. We have moved him to the ICU area. I don't feel need to go into further explanation…" he was obviously forcing politeness and trying to hide frustration at having been sent out several times. Carly looked at first me, and then the doctor, without replying. "If you will follow me to the ICU waiting room? Your parents wish that you see him."

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," she whispered softly.

"Can I go with her?" I said, trying to sound braver then I felt. Seriously, I didn't really want to see him either. Of course I cared, but I felt a slight fear of what I may see. I was too sensitive for this…

Aw screw it

"Could you do that?" she asked me softly.

"I'm not sure…you aren't family are you?" the doctor wrinkled his nose towards me.

"Well no but…"

"He's his best friend." Carly finished for me.

The words hit me hard. _Best friend._ I hadn't heard those words and myself used in the same sentence for a long time. Had I ever heard them? Well there was that time in first grade, when Zack and had told the whole class I was his twin brother and best friend.

God had things changed

His best friend…

"I'm sorry, but at this time, only immediate family is allowed, unless the parents say otherwise."

"I'm sure they wont mind" Carly pleaded. "I don't think I could handle being in there alone."

The doctor persisted on, muttering something about a minimum amount of visitors at this time. But he nodded towards us to follow him to the ICU waiting area, and I rose to follow him.

She stepped after him tentatively, and after walking a few steps down several hallways, we came to a large open room full of couches. A small kitchen like area was in the area, with a countertop, refrigerator, and a sink. There was a small area with toys, and a few TVs in separate corners of the room. The room in all had a sort of cozy appearance, I guessed to put the families of the patient's hearts at ease a bit while they waited. Griffin and Carly's parents were not in the room, and the doctor quickly explained that they were currently in the room with him.

I felt my heart dip at the reality of it, and suddenly felt an urging to see him, as gruesome a sight it may be.

We sat on one of the couches together, still not speaking a word as the doctor left the room through some door off to the side. I switched my gaze towards her face, trying to hide my expression of fear and pain and replace it with a braver one in order to give her confidence.

"I'm sure he'll be ok," I said gently.

She still did not reply, but instead turned to face another door opening at the wall…


	10. Step by Step

Hello all! This is Nixy (Nicole) writing for Sillver who forgot an author's note. Sorry that chapter updates are taking so long...but as you know we are all busy, which is probably why not many people are leaving reviews. Thanks to xXxShadowCatxXx ( probably wrote that wrong), cross.my.heart.hope.you.die, and Suspension. You guys have been awesome reviewers...and we really really apreciate it:)

On with the chapter...props to sillver. Shes an amazing writer!

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The first thing I noticed about the room was that it was small. Small and white, with three monitors that incessantly beeped…beeped…beeped…

And then, of course, Griffin.

Once Carly had fallen in the seat at his bedside and had started to cry into her hands I could get a clear shot of him. His head was bandaged heavily, almost mummy-like, and he wore a neck brace. His face was whiter than the sheets, if possible, and there were bruises on his face. His eyes were closed, and it nearly broke my heart to know they might never open again, and even if they did they would see nothing but an everlasting darkness…

Carly's parents had briefed us prior to our entry, and five minutes and two sloppy hugs later here we were—completely unprepared for the truth. My stomach was churning, churning, churning and I clapped a hand over my mouth and swallowed hard.

Oh, God…

Breathing fast, I tried to calm myself down as a sudden anger filled me again. Hatred washed over me; hatred at _Zack_--at my frickin' _brother_! My toes dug into my sneakers as I grounded my teeth in fury. This was all his _fault_! ALL OF IT was! I wanted to go back to his room, grab him from his bed, and drag him into to see the _life_ he had ruined. To see the _kid_ who'd had his life ground up and spat out like some _waste product_ and hadn't even woken up to find that never again-_never again-_ would he be able to look upon someone's face or gaze about the world as he had loved to _do_.

"No, no, no, no, _no_…" Carly moaned at beside, and gulping back tears I walked over to her, pulling up another chair and draping my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to me for comfort her.

"He'll be fine," I whispered soothingly, trying to stay strong for her. Tears burned the backs of my eyes but I held them at bay.

"He's _blind_, Cody," she murmured helplessly. I tightened my arm around her. "Cody he-," her voice broke and she closed her eyes for a moment to collect herself.

"-He's a painter. He-he lives to _see_ things around him…" she looked at me with an expression of raw and utter despair and I felt my strong façade crumble like stone around me. "And even if he does wake up…This'll _kill_ him…"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Mom was asleep in the waiting room in Zack's wing, so when I slipped past her a few hours later to go talk to my brother she knew nothing of my actions. I found him asleep, too, a pained expression on his face. I ignored it.

"Zack," I said loudly. He didn't stir. "_Zack_!"

With a small cry he opened his eyes and I stiffened knowing _he_ could still see anything he wanted to.

His hazel eyes, black in the dim light of the room, focused on me and his shoulders seemed to fall. Sighing softly he mouthed _hi_ and I didn't return the greeting. When he saw that I was angry he turned his head to the side, staring seemingly at the wall, eyes glittering.

"Why?" I asked him, voice thick with emotion. I struggled to keep the anger out of it, but it came through regardless and I could make no move to stop it. "_Why_, man? Why didn't you stop them? Why'd you let them _drive_?"

Zack's voice was strained and soft, and tears fell from his eyes. Identical ones fell from my own. "I didn't know," he murmured. "It was my ride home. I-,"

"-You could have called _us_!" I nearly shouted at him, raw emotion making each word I spoke devastatingly clear. "You didn't _have_ to go with them! And now-," I attempted to calm myself unsuccessfully, shaking uncontrollably. "And now Griffin's _dying_ because of you!"

Zack's eyes were wide and slightly unfocused and perhaps a different me from a different time would have felt pity for him, but I felt only anger. And for a moment, a terrible, horrible, demoralizing moment I wished that it were Zack laying unconscious and blinded in that ICU and that Griffin was here, talking, breathing, _looking_ at me because that, somehow, felt more _fair_-

-And then the weight of what I had just wished fell upon me and I nearly buckled under the shame. I covered my face with my hands and sank into a chair, sobbing for the first time all night; letting the tears overwhelm me and drown my own hideous soul.

How could I have wished such a fate upon my own _brother_? My _twin_? He may have become the scapegoat for every thing that had gone wrong this past school year, but, like it or not, he was my other half.

And I _loved_ him because of that.

Because he was my brother.

"Cody?" His voice was soft from the bed and when I lowered my hands to look at him, to meet his worried gaze, my heart constricted in fury and pity and disgrace and fear and cold-blooded _love_.

"I'm sorry," I said, voice choked, as I stumbled up from the chair and clumsily made my way over to the closed door.

"What?"

I couldn't bear to look at Zack knowing what I'd almost wished upon him. He may have caused the near-death of my best friend, but I had to forgive him. I had to forgive him, because if I didn't than I'd never forgive myself.

"Cody-,"

"-You haven't been a very good br-brother to me this year," I said quietly, swallowing thickly and forcing myself to meet his identical eyes. He bit his lip, winced, but didn't look away. "But-," I began, before my voice broke and I had to clear my throat. "But maybe I-I haven't been a very good one, either,"

He sniffed and wiped a shaky hand across his eyes. "I'm sorry, man," he said sincerely, attempting to take a deep breath but coughing slightly. I nodded.

"Me, too, man. I'm sorry, too."

And that was that.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Cody, wake up!"

Someone was shaking me awake, and I snapped to attention; bolting up, I rubbed at my eyes and tried to get my bearings. It was that waiting room again; I must've fallen asleep when I'd gone back after talking with my brother.

Carly stood over me, dark bags under her eyes and hair wild. "Griffin's awake," she said breathlessly, a faint smile tugging at her lips. "He woke up a few minutes ago and he's asking for you."

I stared back at her in disbelief, my heart skipping inconsistent beats. "Is he-?"

Carly shrugged. "He was a little…overwhelmed at first, you know, but now he's talking and he's coherent and all that..." she sighed slightly and tossed back her dark hair. "I think he's kinda in shock about the blindness."

I nodded solemnly but couldn't stop the smile from lighting up my face. "Can I go see him now?"  
She motioned towards the door and as I followed her direction I saw a familiar form slip in before me. _Ben_, I thought immediately and I suddenly felt reassured with his presence.

It had been a hell of a night, and though the woods still stretched unheedingly before us, there was a hope inside me that seemed too bright to let die.

Clasping Carly's hand tightly in my own, I led her into the hospital room and into the next phase of our young and ceaseless lives.

Step by step, we walked inside.


	11. I know you hear me

**Hey, Nixy Angel here. Usually, I would apologize here why the chapter took so long, and then ask for you to review. BUT I know you don't want to hear it, so I'm just going to say I hope you like the chapter, and hopefully the rest wont take so long. Enjoy! (Reviews are appreciated though...)**

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Carly's grip lightened as we entered the room, and the sight before me caused me to drop her hand instantly, because I was overcome with a rushing feeling of a feeling of grief, and shock, all balled together. The combination was sickening, and I could feel my insides churning, threatening to explode at any moment in tears, or audible cries.

Griffin was laying in his bed, partially propped up by pillows, eyes open and staring ahead. Well, at least it seemed like it. I didn't have full view of his face, so as horrifyingly depressing it was, I walked closer to him to get a better look at his face.

It wasn't much different than I had seen before. He was covered in bruises and bandages, his neck extended by the brace clasped around it.

But the worst part was his eyes. At first glance, you couldn't tell that there was anything different about them. But there was something about the way he was staring ahead, with no emotion, nor sign of acknowledgement of his surroundings that really killed me. His face seemed so…lost. And blank.

"Griffin?"

Griffin remained, staring at the wall in front of him and not saying a word. But at the sound of my voice, something nearby moved. I turned to look in the direction, and saw Ben settled in the chair next to Griffin's bed, raising his hands to reveal a strained face with the obvious trace of previous tears. He looked at me and smiled slightly, then motioned towards Griffin.

"Griffin, its Cody."

"Hey" creaked a voice, barely audible.

I let out a breath, relieved at the sign of life in his body.

"Um, how do you feel?" I whispered. Well, what else could I say? There wasn't much TO say. But then, there were a thousand things to say. Its just one of those times where you can't say them until the sort of icebreakers are done.

"Seriously?" He let out a hoarse chuckle. Then he added, "where you at?"

"Over here." It took me a minute to realize that that meant nothing to him, since he couldn't look and see where _over here _was at. Awkwardly, I reached out a hand and touched his shoulder, so to let him know the direction he was in. His head turned slightly until he had locked his gaze on me. I remained silent, and he began squinting his eyes.

After a few seconds of looking, he straightened his back as best he could, and said in the smallest voice, "Your shirt is white."

"But I thought…wait. You can see? Like what? Color or something?" I just couldn't help myself.

"Sorta. I like…I dunno." He mumbled.

"That's good…I guess." I didn't have the heart to tell him that my shirt was gray.

"The doc says its real temporary." His voice sounded distorted, and I could tell he was fighting back tears. But then, it could have been his weakness.

"Griffin, I'm sure it'll all end up, like, ok." I know I sounded stupid, like someone out of a movie or something. _Everything will end up ok. _

Bull_shit_

Everything was SO not going to end up ok. I mean, not trying to be pessimistic, but he was _blind_.

But then, at least he wasn't dead.

"Yeah." Griffin was quiet, though I'm sure he was broiling inside. Broiling inside with pain at the reality that he had discovered only moments before.

We sat there a few minutes in silence, until I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Why were you driving?"

I instantly regretted saying it. It was rude, and would probably make him feel stupid or ashamed or anything at what he had done. It was psychology. I'm not even sure why I asked…it was just the question that had been nodding at my mind since I first learned of his accident. And me being the stupid person I am couldn't hold it in.

"I dunno, I just wasn't thinking. I was all mad about everything, like all you saying 'oh you need a license you can't drive. When you gonna get a license? ' Blah blah blah. I guess I wanted to do it, just so I could."

I looked at him in shock. I hadn't expected an answer. I had expected more of a grunt, or an angry stare…wait that was wrong. He couldn't give an angry stare, could he? He knew where I wasn't…agh!

"What?"

"Yeah."

I nodded, but then remembering he couldn't see me nod, I whispered. "Yeah."

We sat in more silence for a few more seconds, until I began babbling partially incoherently everything that was going on in my mind

"Griffin, I'm like really sorry and everything and I really care and I'm mad and…I think it will be ok but I don't know, I mean I do, but like, I just hope it will." My voice ended in a small trace of the tears that had been threatening to fall since I first walked in. I moved closer to Griffin, and stared into his blank eyes, trying to find any type of reaction. But there was none.

"Cody? We have to get out now." Came Ben's voice. He walked towards Griffin and placed a hand on his shoulder, his face strained.

"Remember what I told you ok man?"

Griffin slightly nodded, and we left in silence.

"Bye man. It's I'm pretty sure its gonna be ok." We left with a silent sign off, letting the door shut behind us.

As soon as we exited the room, Griffin's parents rushed by us, and into his room instantly.

"Visiting hour's gonna be over in a sec" Carly said. "I've been there for a while. So how is he?"

"He's real quiet. And really upset. Did you know he could see color?"

"Yeah, the doctor says it will last a very short time." She replied softly.

"He told me what color shirt I was wearing."

"He told me too. I think he's going to be alright, except…"

"I know. Its gonna kill him when he gets back home. And he can't see…" She let out a choked sigh.

"Cody Martin?" A woman's voice sounded. "Your mother wishes to see you right away." I jumped slightly, remembering that I hadn't told my mother about Griffin. I had just left…and she was going to kill me.

"Ok, where is she at?"

"Follow me."

I tagged behind her through a series of doors, until we were once again in doorway of Zack's room. Zack lay peacefully in his bed, sleeping, and I tried with all my strength to rebuke any bad wishes towards him that even threatened to appear.

"Cody? Where have you been?"

"Mom, remember my friend Griffin?" I started.

She nodded.

Well, the car that Zack hit…it was his. And he got really hurt."

"Oh my God," she put her hand to her mouth. "But he is alive?"

"Yeah. But he's not gonna see again. Hes blind."

"Oh my God Cody, I'm sorry. She extended her arms for a hug, and I accepted, needing comfort from someone now more then ever. "Well I'm sorry if you want to stay with him, we're going home to the Tipton tomorrow.

I smiled a bit, because as much as I cared about Griffin, the thought of sleeping in my bed sounded really really good.

VvVvVvVvV

"Griffin is coming home today!" A cheery Carly greeted me at the door of our school building.

"Really?" I smiled; feeling relieved about how much he had improved.

It had been a little while since the accident now, and Zack had been home for some time. Griffin had slipped in and out of consciousness, but had finally settled…out. After several operations and such, he had been patched up and placed in a new room to rest for a while. He could no longer see anything, except light. His sight of color and large shapes had vanished, and now he could barely tell whether the light was on or not.

As for my relationship with Zack, we smiled a lot more. He had stopped hanging out with the particular group of friends that had crashed, but not much is to say about the rest of his friends. Once, he actually asked me for help with his homework, and we actually walked from the bus, to our suite, and to school…together now. I can say that though we were not extremely close, things were better then they had been for a really long time.

"He hasn't been very happy lately. He keeps on asking for his paper and paints. We give him pencils, and then he starts getting all upset about not seeing it. I'm really worried about him."

There it was. The conflict we had introduced in the beginning. Griffin was an artist, and loosing his sight was probably the worst thing that could have happened to him.

It was like me loosing something that enabled me to read, or something like that. If I went blind, I could always learn brail. But he could never paint again.

"Oh God. Its gonna be even worse when he gets home with all his paintings." A picture of his room, crowded with canvases, and unfinished paintings flashed in my mind.

She nodded solemnly, and I added a comforting word. "At least he's alive."

"Yeah." She smiled, but I could tell I hadn't helped at all.

"What's up?" Zack limped up, smiled at me, and nodded at Carly.

"I thought we were losers," she muttered under her breath. Thankfully, he didn't hear her.

"Griffin's coming home," I smiled, ignoring Carly's comment.

"Thank God." He said. "Now I don't feel so guilty."

"He's still blind." She said coldly. "You should feel guilty."

He looked down at his feet, taken aback by her comment. I also remained silent, not sure what to say. I was trying to make peace with my brother, but what Carly said did make sense.

"Ok, well peace." He muttered, and limped away. I turned and noticed that a few of his other friends had come in the door. Figures.

"Can I come see him today?"

"No Cody, I refuse to let you come to our house and see him." She said sarcastically.

"Ok, how about four?"

"Cool, see you then."


	12. Painted Sight

**A/N**: I feel like I haven't talked to you guys in forever….Then again it's probably because I've nothing to say. You know the drill: read chapter (please), leave a nice long review pointing out the better and worse parts of said chapter (please please), and carry on with your undoubtedly influential existences (please please please). Or, like, not. Your choice, and all that. But if _I_ were you…

**Warning**: I know there're are some younger kids reading these fics, so I'm just going to say in advance that **there's some rather explicit language briefly in this chapter**. I felt it added realism (and man, I'm _in_ high school: I know the lingo) and "frickin'" just didn't cut it. If this offends you, I'm terribly sorry. Feel free to send me a PM to vent your immeasurable fury. I can take it. Really.

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Sixteen years. That's how long I'd been around and yet all I'd managed to learn was one lesson.

And that's that, no matter what you do or who you are, nobody's ever going to believe you. Cynicism drips from _every word spoken_ and is found _everywhere_ in today's fine old society.

So, when I told my lab partner in Chemistry II that I hadn't done the assignment because my brother had gotten into a drunk driving accident—sober—and had subsequently been involved in the car crash that blinded my best friend for life he found extreme difficulty in believing me.

It made me angry, but I wasn't prone to losing my temper and merely sighed and agreed to do it during lunch.

"This is a _partner_ grade," good ol' Daniel Lee reminded me.

If cynics run this Earth, then we sarcastics need to claim Mars before they decided to pollute that, too.

Griffin was at home by this point, and I had made it a point to ask about to him to Carly at least once a day. Ben and I sat alone together at lunch and neither of us ate anything. I broke my promise to Daniel Lee and didn't do the Chemistry paper.

Neither of us spoke for a while. Because of where I sat on the ground I could see Zack laughing with his friends. No, not _those_ friends; other, more tame jerks. Ass holes who decidedly did _not_ go about blinding innocent artists and kept to their slightly more legal games of terrorizing and tormenting fellow peers.

His huge cut across his stomach would leave a scar for sure, and Zack had certainly not missed a chance to show off. He may be nicer than before the accident, but Zack was Zack and that wasn't going to change.

I was just thankful that, aside from a slight limp that was in fact genuine (I checked to dispel suspicions that he may be faking it), Zack was okay.

"Not to state the obvious, or anything, but I'm worried about Griffin."

Ben's words startled me out of my reverie and I sighed, picking idly at a string on my backpack. "So am I," I said in agreement.

Ben blew out his breath and massaged his temples. "Do you know what he said to me? Before you and Carly came in?"

I shook my head. I had no idea.

Ben sighed deeply and sadly. "He said, 'I can't live like this, Ben, I can't. I'll die if I can't see stuff,' and I told him that he was going to be fine, you know?"

I nodded. "That must suck for him, though, like, not being able to paint. It's what he likes to do, and stuff."

Ben threw up his hands in exasperation. "And he's _brilliant_!" he said with conviction. "Have you _seen_ his room? It's _incredible_, man, it's like—I don't even know, but it's fucking _good_." He ran a hand through his long hair and let out a frustrated groan. "It's not _fair_, you know? Not Griffin. Of all the people in the world, _Griffin_?" He shook his head. "It's screwed up, man."

I kicked at the ground and let out an angry sigh. "I know."

Ben laughed a little humorlessly and I looked at him strangely. He began breaking his carrots into little pieces, crushing each atop his brown paper lunch bag. "I was like you were, once," he said after a long crunch-filled pause.

I cocked my head slightly. "What d'you mean?"

Ben shrugged. "Like you were earlier this year, and stuff. In middle school at my old school nobody liked me. Like, I'd get picked on and all that stuff." He smirked and I tried to mask my surprise. "And then I moved here and Carly was my partner for this stupid history assignment thing. I had to go to her house because her parents wouldn't let _her_ go to a guy they didn't know's house. I just kinda hit it off with her and Griffin." He finished mutilating his carrots and moved on to his cookies. "That was eighth grade and I've been friends with them every since."

Something about Ben's little story made me feel strange inside; like I was the reason for everything that had happened. I knew that wasn't true: it was complete B.S. any way you looked at it, but, well, it's what I felt.

We spent the next couple of minutes saying nothing and I tried exceedingly hard to ignore my brother, even when he and his friends suddenly broke off in a loud obnoxious sort of laughter over what I was sure was a very R-rated joke.

"I'm going over tonight," I said finally, looking back at Ben. "To Griffin and Carly's. At four; I'm kinda nervous." Dang, that sounded lame.

"I haven't gone yet," Ben said sheepishly. "I know I should. But, like, I dunno…It'll be really awkward." I bowed my head to hide the fact that he'd just said what I'd been feeling so nervous about. "I don't like this, man; I've never been around anyone…blind before. I don't know how I'm supposed to act around him."

I snorted. "Like hell _I_ do," I yawned widely. "But I have to go. I owe it to Griffin." I shrugged. "I mean, it's not like he's not _Griffin_, or whatever. He just can't see, you know? He's still the same guy."

"Yeah," Ben laughed bitterly. "Right."

vjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjv

Zack and I left the school together, and I matched my uneasy canter to his careful meandering. The stitches wouldn't come out until weeks later, and until then he had to be very careful not to stress his injury.

And, knowing Zack, that's exactly what he was bound to do.

"I'm going to Griffin and Carly's today," I said conversationally as we walked along on the street, trying to hide my anxiety.

Zack swallowed thickly and grabbed onto a lamppost as we passed by (whether it was for physical support or an expression of emotion I to this day have no idea). "Okay," he said, voice apologetic. "Tell him-," he stopped and I looked at my feet awkwardly. "Never mind," Zack mumbled and we continued walking.

After a few more minutes I reached the street I needed to turn on. "I gotta go this way," I said to Zack and he sighed slightly and nodded.

"Okay, man," he said, smiling slightly as though trying to convince himself of something.

I hesitated. "You gonna be okay walking home by yourself?" I checked, concern edging into my voice.

Zack waved off my worry. "Yeah, yeah," he said airily. "I've done it a million times, remember?"  
A part of me laughed bitterly, but I ignored it and continued on mimicking my mother. "Yeah," I said fairly. "But that was before-,"

"-_Look_," he said, suddenly sounding angry. I froze, apprehensive and offended. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I'm fine, Cody, okay? It's Griffin you should be worried about; not me. I'm completely fine."

Still confused and put-off by his previous reaction, I nodded numbly. "Alright. I'll see you-I'll see you later, then?" It wasn't meant to come out as a question, and I wondered if perhaps I was self-consciously buying time.

Again, Zack forced a smile. "Yeah," he said over-exuberantly. "Definitely."  
And we brothers parted ways.

vjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjvjv

Mr. and Mrs. North were nice people. They seemed like the kind of parents who had raised Griffin and Carly, and yet at this moment neither seemed like their usual selves. Not that I could blame them; who would be?  
Both had taken time off work and it was Mrs. North who escorted me tearfully (and looking so disheveled it was almost painful to see her) to Carly who sat reading, iPod headphones firmly in her ears. Her feet tapped to some unknown beat.

Mrs. North left, and I cleared my throat loudly to get my friend's attention. Carly looked up at me and smiled wanly, seemingly in a better mood than earlier that day. She took out the earphones, marked her place in the book, and nodded at me.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," I said.

We both just kind of stood there, looking like a pair of royal buffoons, and completely unsure as to what we were to do next.

Carly, predictably, was the one to finally break our silence.

"He's in his room," she said. "Listening to music."

"Oh," I said, and she led me up the stairs. I had initially thought that it was going to horrible; seeing Griffin in his room with all his artwork—never again to raise a paintbrush and finish the masterpieces he had begun. It wasn't too bad, though, when I told myself not to think about it.

Griffin was on his bed, arm still bandaged and a faint scratch on his upper cheek. One leg stretched out, while he sat propped up on the other. I shook my head; he always chose the _weirdest_ postures. A song played faintly from his radio, and after a few moments I realized it to be one of Ben's.

"Hey, Griffin," said Carly casually. "Cody's here."

Griffin moved his head towards the door, and though he was a little off I noticed that he really did have fairly good judgment of my height. "Hey, Cody," he said and I was heartened to see that his voice had retained some of its prior cheerfulness, if not for a bit sadder.

"Hey, man. What's up?" That was lame, I know, but I had absolutely no idea what else to say.

He shrugged and Carly plopped down in a chair. I stood awkwardly by the closed door, not wanting to sit down and leave Griffin's sightless eyes staring at nothing. Man, this was gauche.

"Just kinda…hanging out, I guess," he said and I nodded for a few seconds before it hit me that he couldn't see me doing it.

"That's cool," I said.

Griffin diverted his gaze and I finally felt comfortable sinking down into a beanbag chair. I looked over at Carly who didn't seem to be at all bothered, and I felt a sudden surge of admiration towards her.

"Ben-Ben said that maybe now I could be the manager of his band." Griffin said and his tone brightened a little bit. "You know, now that I can't paint and all…"  
His voice trailed off and I tried not to let that get to me. "Yeah!" I said enthusiastically. "That's a really good idea, man; you'd be, like, great at it,"

Griffin nodded.

From the walls of his mural, painted eyes stared down at us, all-seeing and all-knowing, and for a moment I wanted to gouge out those eyes. Paint them black and make them disappear, because surely _they_ had no right to _gaze_ upon the face of their creator while he stared in darkness back at such an unforgiving world.

But of course, I did not.


	13. For the Moment

Hello people! Agh, so so so sorry this has taken so long...home problems (ahem grounded) and haven't been able to update. Hope you like this chapter, though it isn't my best, I worked quite a few consistent hours on it as soon as I was able. Deepest apologizes...I'm serious. Lol...thanks for reading, please review...hope you enjoy this!

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I slammed my locker door tight, enjoying the echo it set through the now empty hallway. This was my favorite time of day…the end. I usually waited a little longer in class until the people had cleared. Somehow, it just gave me a sort of good feeling to be walking the huge hallways of my High School alone. It sort of took away from the intimidation, or something like that. Dragging one foot behind the other, I turned towards the door, and headed towards the bus.

I didn't care about being the last one in the bus. No one wanted my crappy seat in the front anyway. Staring out the window, I noticed our lack of good nature. There really wasn't much nature around here. Lots of pollution…when was the last time I had been to a camp? Surely not that seventh grade math camp…

"Heya Codester," a familiar voice grinned, interrupting my thoughts. The cheap rubber seat rose up on my side, responding to the feeling of another's weight next to me.

"Aren't you going to sit with your friends?" I asked Zack; half surprised at his presence, half relieved it was he, and not another bully.

"Naw, not today," he drummed his fingers on the back of the seat in front of us, keeping some unknown beat. I shrugged, and returned to staring out the window. The bus began moving, and Zack remained in his spot. Obviously he was going to sit here the rest of the ride.

"So, how's Griffin been?"

Well that was strange. Suddenly this looser mattered to him?

"He's fine. Doing better. I'm going to see him tomorrow." I kept my voice short, but couldn't help the slightest interest. So why was he asking about Griffin anyway?

"Oh" He shut up after that, stuck his head in his hands, and sighed deeply. I leaned closer towards him, still curious. He raised his head, stared at me for a moment, and finally broke the awkward silence. "Is he coming back?"

"What?"

"Like, to school. Is he coming back?" Zack stared at me, conversing worry through his eyes.

"I don't know." I whispered, at the moment confronting myself with the idea. There was something I hadn't thought about. Would he come back? I had no earthly idea. Would he drop out? Or his parents could home school him. Or was it even possible for him to think about school? Something told me though, that this was something that his family wouldn't bother him with for a while. With everything going on, learning was the last things on their minds. Be good thing or bad, that's just how it was.

"I don't know, but if he does, it wont be any time soon." I finally replied.

"Cuz like, I wanted to talk to him and all, just like…"

"Like what?"

"Dude, I just wanted to say sorry. That's it." He shook his head and rose from the seat next to me, and strode away to sit with another one of his nasty friends, hanging his head the entire time. My gaze followed him, in clear shock. _Apologize_? Zack?

"Wait!" I called, not wanting to loose him. "How about you come with me?"

Zack looked down instantly, scrunching his eyes, then humbly raised his gaze. "Ok, I guess."

XxXx

"Right here, stop right here!" The cab pulled over, slinging Zack and I roughly against the backseat wall.

"Man, we really need a car," Zack laughed. I smiled, but wasn't exactly in the laughing mood. We walked side by side, avoiding the stepping-stones, though I'm not quite sure why. "Kind of small." He said under his breath. That probably wasn't meant for me to hear, but I smiled and replied anyway.

"Wait til you see the inside." I extended a hand to lightly touch the small button next to the door, sending a musical chime through the interior of the house. We stood still for a few seconds, listening to the scurrying from the inside.

"Hey-" the voice cut short, staring at the person beside me.

"Hey, Carly, you know my brother Zack?" I pointed to Zack, even though I knew very well that she knew exactly who he was. What she didn't know though, as I was just now realizing, was how he was involved in the accident. See, we never really spoke about _why _I was at the hospital during the accident. It just sort of worked out in her mind I guess, and she wasn't going to be extremely pleased at the truth. In fact, knowing Carly, she would be slower to forgive then Griffin himself.

"Yeah…I know Zack." She frowned, staring at me, confused. I nodded, confirming his being here a good thing, and in no way out of the ordinary. She nodded back, and extended a dainty pale hand. Zack remained oblivious to her gesture though, preoccupied with staring at her. Whether he was studying her attire of faded green and white striped pants paired with a long black shirt, and a checkered belt tightened over it all, or just _staring _at her was beyond me.

"Zack" I breathed, punching him in the arm in attempt to awaken him to reality.

"Oh, hey" he grabbed her hand, and shook it hard. She raised an eyebrow, half grinning, but still with a suspicious look.

"Yeah, ok, you can come in and all." She shook her head, and walked back into the house, expecting us to follow.

I went in first, and walked ahead of him. I smiled, listening to his awed breaths as he entered the house behind me.

"Cody? Why is he here?" Carly grabbed my arm, whispering harshly in my ear.

"It's ok Carly, he just wants to talk with Griffin." I put a hand on her arm. "You know, I never did tell you why I was at the hospital that night-"

"Wow," Zack interrupted me. "This house is so awesome."

"Thanks…" she said slowly, still staring at him, confused about his change of attitude since their last conversation.

"Where's Griffin at?" I finally asked.

"Oh, right. He's in the living room. We were looking at pictures- well; me and Ben, Ben and I was-were looking at pictures, and telling him about them. Kind of just, talking you know" She jabbered away, then turned quickly towards the living room-obviously rushing to get back to something.

I followed her quickly, Zack tagging behind me. Inside the beautifully furnished living room, I spotted Griffin sitting beside Ben. He was wearing a pair of darkened glasses. They looked a bit like sun glasses, but I guessed they were prescription so the lights wouldn't bother his eyes or something. In front of them was a small glass coffee table stacked with albums. Loose pictures were scattered, sitting on the couches, and a few on the floor. _Let it Be _(a/n you should know that's the Beatles…but just in case…) droned quietly in the background, and a lively fire crackled in the wood fireplace, though it was barely cold outside yet. I liked it…the whole room had such a homey feel about it. So comfortable, and warm, it put me at ease right away.

"Hey Griffin," I began waving, but dropped my hand. Its so confusing…being around a blind person. "And Ben."

"Hey," they said in unison. Ben stood from his chair, spotting Zack.

"What is he doing here?" eyeing my brother as if he were some type of bug, or rotten piece of food that needed to be discarded immediately.

"It's ok, he's here to talk to Griffin and stuff," I stammered. Now in front of Ben, and even Carly, I felt ashamed of my brother. I guess it wasn't a strange thing…here I was, taking with me my brother…who was a part of the hated specimens among our kind. I turned towards Griffin instinctively to find his impression, but of course he made no expression. Maybe because he didn't know exactly _who _was here to talk to him yet, and he didn't seem very interested in finding out. Instead, he sat thumbing through a stack of pictures, stroking their glossy lamination.

"Carly, which one is this?" he finally spoke, holding up a picture.

"That one is of the lake, at the cabin." She walked over and took the picture from him, sitting down as she studied it. "Remember the cabin? How long has it been since we last went? That place was so incredible"

"Uh, I don't know." He said. "Yeah, it was awesome. They had the best mountains there. I painted some of the best-" he broke off, turning his head away from the direction of her voice. _Paintings _he had wanted to say.

"My aunt owns this awesome cabin in the woods…Mom and Dad took us there a long time ago. We were like 12 I think." Carly turned in my direction.

"Oh…cool" I wasn't quite sure what to say. Personally, I didn't want to go on with this subject. There was no way Griffin was enjoying memories of sight. If it were me…I would want to forget it all…agh, I don't know. It wasn't me…there was no telling what he was thinking. I can't even begin to imagine what blindness would be like.

"I never went." Ben settled next to Carly, leaning over to see the picture. "But I remember you guys loved it. You always wanted to go back and stuff." I turned to Griffin, and was shocked to see him smiling.

"Yeah, it was pretty awesome. We need to go back some time. Like, all of us." I was even more surprised at Griffin's words. He _wanted _to go back? If it were _me _that bad been blinded, I would have completely given up on everything.

But it wasn't me

"That would be great!" Ben smiled. But I could tell he was paying more attention to Carly then the idea of going to this cabin. I remained silent, watching them all in a sort of happiness blur. This was so perfect…he was happy, they were happy, and I had forgotten about Zack.

"That would be fun." Carly said softly, also sort of out of it.

"Hey…sorry to like interrupt and all…but like-" a voice rattled behind me, jerking me back into reality.

"Oh wow, yeah." I grabbed Zack's wrist and dragged him to the center of the living room. "Griffin, Zack is here. He needs to…talk to you." Ben and Carly looked up at us, and all eyes moved towards Zack.

"Hey, could I like…talk to him alone?"

I turned to Ben and Carly. Ben nodded, blessed with that understanding kind nature. Even towards my brother. He rose from his seat, and walked out, Carly following him, turning every so often, until she had disappeared with Ben into some other room outside the door.

"You want me to leave too?" I asked Zack, who was shuffling his feet at the ground.

"Naw, its ok," Zack muttered. "I don't really know him and all you know, yeah."

Ok. So this was awkward.

"Zack, you're Cody's brother right?" Griffin broke the silence we had created, surprisingly enough.

"Uh, yeah. And like, I needed to like, I dunno. Cody, tell him-never mind. I can do it. Uh, well like, you know I have like a lot of stupid friends and stuff?"

"Griffin nodded slowly, his body language conversing the word _duh _to us. I'm not sure if Zack noticed, but whether or not he did wasn't my problem.

"Yeah, well, we were at this party, and some of the guys got drunk. It was getting real late, and we had to go home."

Griffin sunk deeper in the chair and pulled a knee up to his chest. I noticed him mouthing the words of the song in the background, and I'm sure wondering what the hell this had to do with him. Zack's words were not very clear in explaining, but at least he was saying something.

"Yeah, well I didn't have a ride and stuff, so I rode with some of the guys, sober might I add,"

_Stop trying to make yourself seem good _I thought. I shot a look at him about that comment, but he ignored me.

"And we kinda got out of control, and hit another car." Zack's voice grew smaller as he neared the end of the sentence, staring at Griffin the entire time, waiting for reaction. He stopped after that, yet Griffin remained still. We both waited, for some sort of response. Finally Zack finished his sentence, in order to make better sense I guess. "Your car."

Griffin's head shot up, and he dropped his knee to the ground. Though his gaze didn't shift (haha, shocker), his face drooped down as he realized what my brother was saying. I'm not sure I've felt so ashamed in a while. Maybe it was a mistake to bring him here. Maybe it was best I had left it all alone-

"And I'm sorry man. I shouldn't have like let them. Its kinda my fault in some ways. And even if it isn't, I'm sorry." Zack finally finished, giving me an _are you happy now _look. I replied with a big smile, and a warm brotherly love. An apology was way out of character for him, and was a step towards change in the right direction. Maybe my brother wasn't so screwed up after all.

"Its fine man." Griffin answered, surprising us both. Seeing him like that again brought anger to my soul, but at least his eyes were hidden underneath those glasses. I wasn't sure if I would have been able to stand a moment here without them.


	14. Along the Road of Life

I was hanging out with Carly, Griffin, and Ben in Carly and Griffin's back yard. We'd wanted to go to the mall, or something, but Griffin had vehemently refused. Seems he had something against leaving the safety of his own house.

That wasn't going to fly, so Carly and Ben began to really push the idea of going to spend some time at some cabin. Apparently, Carly and Griffin had practically lived there as kids, but hadn't been back in sometime.

It took a bit (well, okay, more like a _lot_) of smooth talking (courtesy of Ben) and logical evidence (thanks to yours truly) to present our case, but eventually we all got our parents to consent.

The four of us would go up to the cabin. Together. Alone.

I'd say goodbye to Zack and my mother that morning and was sitting in Carly's car with Ben, waiting for Mr. and Mrs. North to finish lecturing their children and let us go on our way.

Mrs. North appeared a bit frantic. "Carly," she said, voice constricted. "Drive slow, alright? Be careful around their intersection when you get to Douglass and Fairview, it'll be bumper-to-bumper if you get there after five-,"

"-_Mom_," Carly said impatiently. "If you let us go already then we _won't_-,"

"-Griffin, be very careful do you understand me?" Mrs. North's voice grew stern as she touched her son's arm to let him know she was serious. "No horsing around, no _swimming_, no parties-,"

"-We're not going to go _swimming_, mom, it's cold outside-,"

"-And absolutely _no alcohol_," I swear Mrs. North's eyes flickered to me for a second as if to emphasize her point in sending out a nonverbal accusation, but I probably just imagined it. Zack was the drinker. Not me. And he really wasn't anyway. I shook my head and exchanged an amused look with Ben.

He sat shotgun, leaving me in the backseat. I didn't mind, really.

"Mary," Mr. North's voice was deep and gentle as he cut off his wife's sermon. "Carly and Griffin are very responsible. They know the rules, and they what would happen if they were to break any of them-," he gave Carly a knowing look and toughened his voice to send a signal to Griffin.

A minute more of tearful goodbyes and we were on our way.

"This is gonna be great," said Ben confidently and over the roar of the radio about fifteen minutes later. I grinned and looking over I saw Griffin do the same. We'd left the city and entered the open road; quickly the tall, looming buildings turned to trees and highways and the sun glinted cheerfully against the windows of the old car Carly drove skillfully along.

"When we get there," said Griffin, laughter in his voice. "I'm totally going to whoop your ass at Guess Who, man,"

He'd figured out how to play blind earlier. With someone on his side knocking down the appropriate cards and them telling him who was left on the board, he'd managed to beat me six times. And no. I didn't let him win.

When we stopped at a McDonalds three hours later we all ordered burgers and fries and savored the food as we listened to the radio. Somehow we got on the subject of comedians, which led to a ridiculous chain of horrible jokes.

"What happens to a green golf ball when it gets hit into the Red Sea?" Carly asked us after the four of us had recovered from a particularly hilarious round of "Yo Momma" insults—rapid fire style.

"No clue," said Griffin around a fry.

"Dunno," I said, sipping at my chocolate milkshake.

Ben shrugged and Carly smirked in the rearview mirror as she changed lanes. The roads were crowded, but we'd exhausted the license plate game a long time ago.

"It gets wet!" Carly exclaimed and silence met her punch line.

Ben groaned and slapped his forehead. Griffin laughed in a way that implied he wasn't laugher at the joke itself, but at the reaction it had triggered. I cringed dramatically, giving her a look of complete bewilderment.

"What?" she demanded, even as she grinned madly.

"Carly, that was _horrible_!" Griffin told her, shaking his head. His sightless eyes twinkled with amusement.

"Oh, come on, it was _funny_-," she began to protest before I cut her off.

"-Alright, alright, I got a good one," I said and they all shut up to hear my joke. I'd read it earlier that morning and had been itching to tell it. I cleared my throat and flexed my fingers, drawing out my fifteen minutes of fame.

"Well?" Ben said impatiently when I didn't speak right away.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it," I told him, waving his comment off and yawning widely. "Alright," I started. Griffin shifted in his seat next to me so that he faced me. I was careful to look at him when I spoke.

"So there's this lady, right, and she's just got to her parent's house after being delayed at security at the airport she just came from." I paused for effect. "Her dad asks her why she was, like, questioned so long and she told him it was because of her laptop. He doesn't get why, so she opens up a document and shows him how the formats all messed up." Another instinctive halt. "'They made me take out all the bullets in my Word document!" she says."

It took a second, but snickers filled the car as Ben slapped me a high five. "Good one, man," he said, chuckling. "And _way_ better than Carly's."

"Amen to that!" cried Griffin and we all started to laugh again, Carly shoving Ben against the door as she approached the troublesome intersection her mother had warned her of. It gave us no trouble and we pulled into a dirt road a few minutes later. Trees stood tall on either side of our car and we slowed suddenly.

Looking up through the front window, I got my first glimpse of the cabin. Small, wooden, and picturesque, it was a quaint little building I instantly liked. A wraparound porch led out to a short driveway crowded with shrubs and flowers and green fields rose up from behind. Birds sang and crickets were chirping as the sun set slowly, staining the sky with vibrant pinks and reds.

Awesome.

"Sah-_weet_," said Ben breathlessly as Carly shifted into park.

"Are we here?" Griffin asked, eyes darting around.

"Yeah, Griff', we're here," Carly said quietly, turning in her seat and messing up his hair. He slapped away her hand and laughed a little. He still wore his glasses, even though they were completely unnecessary. Comfort, I guess. And normality.

We got out of the car and I took in a deep breath of calming, country air. Carly popped the trunk and began unloading our luggage as Ben walked over to Griffin's door and opened it, helping him out and leading him to sit on the front of the car.

"What does it look like?" Griffin asked him as I came up behind them.

Ben took a deep breath. "Like that picture," he said simply.

Griffin laughed softly and moved his head so that it appeared as though we were looking at the ground. "I don't-um…I don't remember the-the picture," he said and I heard sorrow in his voice.

Acting quickly, I came over and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Hey, no big deal," I said calmly.

"Yeah," Ben agreed, voice laid back sounding even as he and I exchanged worried looks.

"Little help back here!"

We all smirked, even Griffin who looked up again, at Carly's voice and I went back to help her out as Ben stayed with our blinded friend.

"He okay?" Carly asked me as I helped lug a suitcase out of the trunk and onto the driveway. I shrugged and nodded.

"Yeah," I said, trying to sound confident. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good," said Carly with a smile as we closed the trunk and grabbed most of the luggage. Ben came back with us to assist, and on my way up to the house I passed Griffin, carrying two sleeping bags and a suitcase.

"You ready to go inside?" I asked him, stopping as Ben and Carly passed.

Griffin blew out his breath and stuck his hands into his jean pockets. He shrugged. "Give me a sec," he said and I nodded.

"Sure," I said, and as I prepared to enter the cabin and I heard him whisper slowly, longingly, and so soft it could have been the faint eastern wind.

"Wish I could see it again…"

I bit my lip and continued walking. "Be right back," I called to him over my shoulder, voice reassuring and cheerful.

And so began the beginning of the end.


	15. Sometimes and These Times

**Hello everyone…this is Nixy. And I am here with a thousand apologies. I'm so sorry for disappearing…something happened that I would rather not talk about. I haven't been at a computer at all for some time, and just recently began restaking my existence on the online world I've indulged myself in. I must say, real life is hard. Frustrating, depressing. And it can make you do things you wouldn't believe possible, and things you don't recognize as a part of your own character because of its immorality. I apologize for being gone…you all have every right to be mad at me. I promise to eventually update my other stories…but I just couldn't bring myself to update this one…so Sillver did it for me. **

**Let me tell you, she was the brains behind this story. The brains, the skill, and the heart. I just started and helped…it would have been nothing without her. She is an amazing writer, and I owe this storie's success to her. **

**This is her chapter…and it is the final one. I have enjoyed writing this up until now, and I hope you have enjoyed reading. Anyone feel free to PM me, I will talk with anyone. I greatly appreciate all our readers, and especially our reviewers. You have been incredible!**

**With much love, Nixy Angel**

**Note from SillverMedal**: I'm sure Nixy Angel will explain her absence as she sees fit, but I want to say **thank you so very much to anyone who ever left a review**. You have truly inspired this story, and I know I speak for the whole of the FF world when I say each word means something special to us writers. I have thoroughly enjoyed working on this with Nixy, and I hope that you have enjoyed this story as much I have.

Sometimes I wonder if the world is all that bad.

Sometimes I think maybe it's not and maybe we're all just exaggerating. Maybe we're all making everything up and the world is really just some Eden that we live in constant oblivion towards.

And maybe that's complete crap.

Because let's be honest with ourselves, the world pretty much sucks.

Maybe Griffin's lucky he can't see it. Maybe Zack's lucky he'll never be overly-trusting like me. Maybe Carly's lucky that she was adopted, or maybe Ben's lucky that his music isn't all that famous yet.

Maybe we're all in some sort of bizarre existence that uses differential contemplation as a sort of portal to a destiny we'll never know we've found…

We stayed at the cottage for three days, and while we were there found out more than we'd ever thought we'd find out.

I learned that Carly's birth parents are both still alive and living in Oklahoma, and that she sees them every summer and sometimes for Christmas now they've completed drug rehab.

I learned that Griffin started painting because he wanted to impress a girl in his sixth grade art class and thus discovered his talent in life simply because he wanted to look gifted at something.

I learned that Ben was born with a twin brother named Bryan who died as an infant because they were born prematurely. When he told me that it made my heart get all constricted because I knew someday either me or Zack was going to have to go through losing the other, and that terrified me.

And I learned that I loved peanut butter and hated heights and somehow I told them that I wanted to be an Oncologist someday, which I know now is true but at the time I had no idea.

We went into town and watched DVDs and played music and Guess Who?, but mostly we just talked. And I guess that's weird, isn't it? Three high school guys "chatting"…Carly had an excuse, being a girl, but I guess none of us cared.

Because life was too big to care.

Looking back, I don't know what would have happened to us if we hadn't of taken that trip. The cottage was just some little building in the woods, but it was a sort of other world for us.

And if the real world couldn't be an Eden, then it was damn good thing we had the cottage.

And it was fun and it was enlightening and I'd _never_ felt so alive before.

But then it ended and we drove back into the monotony of day-to-day life.

And that was, surprisingly, okay.

We'd all learned things about ourselves and we'd all sort of…I don't know…_became_ more like ourselves if that makes any sense. It was like wearing shoes that don't fit you right for years and then finding a pair that had fit perfectly.

Five weeks after our return from the cottage Griffin picked up a paintbrush.

Carly told me and Ben later that she had almost taken it from him and waited for him to start crying, but he never did. In fact, never once at the cottage did he complain and as the days slowly expired he grew more and more extroverted until his reclusive recent behavior all but disappeared.

And when he picked up that brush for the first time since being blinded, I think a part of him, maybe a _final_ part of him, clinked into place.

The mural on his walls was never completed, or at least not to my knowledge, but that made it all the more masterful. It wasn't until he finally let others see what had been hiding underneath the cover on the canvas that I finally realized the magnitude of skill, and the finality of defiance.

Ben's band never really became big, but he continued to play his guitar and sing his own songs for years. He ended up with a single that was picked up by an independent film and I suppose that meant more to him than the Billboard charts.

Carly decided at some point that she was going to be a singer, and though she never really pursued it professionally she won a few talent shows. Mostly, though, she excelled at debating and organizing and made the reluctant decision to enter the world of business. Nobody worried about her, because Carly was as street-smart as they came, and she knew what would make herself happy.

Zack continued being a jerk in public and a friend in private, but after awhile I stopped caring. His insecurities were like Griffin's in that they went deep and were his greatest sense of weakness, and I held sympathy towards that. He stopped drinking and though his GPA never saw the number three, he tried harder and eventually learned to stand up for someone other than himself.

And me? I didn't change a whole lot. I was just glad to have friends and to be liked by others. I think being okay with yourself is like being in the middle of a huge desert with no water. When you finally find an ocean it's all the more refreshing, even if it's a little more salty than expected.

I'm not on the outside looking in anymore, but I'm not on the inside looking out, either. I'm just here, and I'm just me, and I'm darn glad of it.

VvVvVvVvV

The Sunday before the last week of sophomore year the four of us sat in Sully's and had coffee. We were all in high spirits and all wore grins with our shorts and light-hearted humor with our sneakers, and that was part of the magic of summer.

"I can't believe I signed up for _Shakespeare_…" Carly groaned, burying her head in her hands as we all laughed.

"Romeo, o' Romeo! Where for art thou, Romeo?" Ben teased, trying on a fake falsetto as he snickered.

Griffin smirked. "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?" He voice turned mockingly solemn. "It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!"

"For never was a story of more woe," I finished, bowing dramatically. "Than this of Juliet, and her Romeo."

Carly shot me a look and kicked Griffin under the table. He cried out in indignation and stuck out his tongue at the table. Ben reclined backwards in his seat, sighing in what sounded like contentment.

"What a year," he said reminiscently.

I nodded. "Yeah," I agreed.

"Yeah," echoed Griffin darkly.

"Yeah," said Carley sarcastically. "What did you expect? It's high school."

I heard the door to the café open and turned my head to look at whoever was walking in. With some degree of unease I saw that it was Zack and a girl I didn't know. He saw me see him and stopped, hand on his wallet.

For a moment we just stared at each other, saying nothing.

And then he smiled and nodded slightly. I returned the expression and mouthed a greeting. I was glad to see him, and he was glad to see me. It was cool.

"I have a stupid dentist appointment to go to today," Griffin remarked, crinkling his nose and narrowing his sightless eyes.

Ben clapped on the shoulder sympathetically. "_That_ sucks," he said, voice light. "Are you going to pick a balloon or a prize when they're done?"

Griffin laughed. Carley said, "Only big boys get balloons, Ben," she said, voice mocking as she smirked. "He's still in the Matchbox stage."

We all laughed and I took a long drink of coffee. "Well," I said quietly after a few minutes. "Another year's over."

Griffin shrugged, carefully raising his cup to his lips. "Fine with me," he said casually. "We're all going to hang out this summer, yeah?"

"Obviously," said Ben good-naturedly.

"Definitely," I said, my voice as eager and naive as usual. I was okay with it now, though. I was okay with a lot of things. Having friends does that, you know? Gives you confidence, and stuff.

"If you _insist_," said Carly with a playful sigh.

The four of us all smiled and resumed an earlier conversation regarding normal teenager interests. Like movies and hip hop and sports and music.

Like being on the outside and staring into a window, and then searching until you find a door.

The End


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